I think it has been nearly 6 months I havent posted on this blog. hahaha.. well firstly too many things have been going on... new life, a new change, a new begining...firstly, being in aussie, getting homesick-something I dun wish to revive again.:P and then dance classes, getting myself into deep shits. hehehe... and online quizes, tutorial test, getting back my marks. Scoring badly for my first ever assingment. well, its my first one.. and I already hate assingments. It has, indeed motivated me to do better, but still... ugh
I wonder why? I used to be so studious. *perasan sikit* :P.. but seriously, during sunway times, I was studying like my ass off! and now I cant sit still for 30 mins. :S scary sial. but there it goes again... diff environment.. but ive been in this environment for a loooonnnggg time already. crazy la. need to get my focus bck.
Secondly(idunno where was the firstly) i have stopped meditating. :( i dunno. I just havent been meditating for nearly 3 months. I need to take the course bck again! desperately need to. it gives me all the motivation, courahe and pace that I need. and I know I shouldnt have. Once u get things ur way, u forget how u originally got it. hahaha. thats what I am doing. *guilt face*
oooohhh... i went to port stephens with amu chechi, sandhya, nisha and sandhya's mum. was awesome. drove up... has fun... sceneries were breathtaking. (clearly up to this point you can see I have terrible english) we shall brush on that , SOON. :P
next, I am leaving for melbourne tmr.... Sime darby meeting up. I hope i dun look like a dummy. everytime since I ve been here, my self confidence is ZERO! ugh. I feel like a tiny insect crumbling down to pieces. oooh yeah! <3. hahaha.. sometimes I nvr want to aim so high, I just want to stay in my comfort zone. I guess I need my fuel ( mummys advice).
urmm.... finally, I think, no, I know I should be listening to fara's advice.... Dont give someone hope. I know its the worst thing I can do. and I shan't. I shall or atleast try to gradually stop. I need not a place to have some care.. I know many who dont. (well If u know what type of care I mean) I dont think I have changed in any way. all that I wonder to myself is why am I acting like this? there used to be a period where I told myself no more stuffs like this...its gna be uni and studies. thats all. Maybe, afterall I should be sticking to what I said to myself....
mummy, seriously, the food here is all so damn nice... and its kinda annoying and irritating to know that you have put on all the weight u lost. :( i am hitting the gym once I get back.. but see, the wedding is too soon. I cant make any changes to look good int he wedding.
dearest mouth- pls stop munching... <3
ama and eya i miss loads. hahaha.... i wish to be bck home with everyone by my side. I think it will come true sooooon! 3 more weeks, yippie yuppy!!!!!
at the end of the day, I think Uni shapes a persons character...
Help ever, Hurt never...
~Kave~
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Sunday, June 27, 2010
those love movies...
hola! I am back! finally.. lol..
Ive actually been super lazy to blog. I just like to read. and today i thought, i might just blog on something... well, i always blog about myself and wht i think...
So here's another one...
its about love movies and love stories and etc...
I dunno. at times certain movies are very nicely taken and like really awesome that you wish it could happen to you. (p/s this is why some ppl say dun watch fairy tales) hahaha.... i dunno.. I feel the same too.
like watching such movies builds a desire in you to want to feel the same. ( i repeat,this is a ps opinion)..
I dunno how many would agree with me though.. plus, i feel its not really good. You expected to be treated in a certain way. and expectations are a big NO NO!
so, as such... there, u cant go on not watching such movies or reading such books.. coz.. err.. if there isnt anything like tht, u cant possibly read or watch anything anymore i think!
i guess, ive just got to tell myself, its just a movie. 'happily ever after' doesnt exist. but, in fact, I do, FOR SURE know tht it doesnt exist. its just certain moments, you wish u were like in the movie. hahaha
sighs.... so thts it...
loads of love,
Kave
Ive actually been super lazy to blog. I just like to read. and today i thought, i might just blog on something... well, i always blog about myself and wht i think...
So here's another one...
its about love movies and love stories and etc...
I dunno. at times certain movies are very nicely taken and like really awesome that you wish it could happen to you. (p/s this is why some ppl say dun watch fairy tales) hahaha.... i dunno.. I feel the same too.
like watching such movies builds a desire in you to want to feel the same. ( i repeat,this is a ps opinion)..
I dunno how many would agree with me though.. plus, i feel its not really good. You expected to be treated in a certain way. and expectations are a big NO NO!
so, as such... there, u cant go on not watching such movies or reading such books.. coz.. err.. if there isnt anything like tht, u cant possibly read or watch anything anymore i think!
i guess, ive just got to tell myself, its just a movie. 'happily ever after' doesnt exist. but, in fact, I do, FOR SURE know tht it doesnt exist. its just certain moments, you wish u were like in the movie. hahaha
sighs.... so thts it...
loads of love,
Kave
Friday, June 11, 2010
I am back :D
well, hi once again. hehehe. and sorry for the very late update. well, Ive been busy with work.... err, correction, not so busy coz my work doesnt actually require me to do ANYTHING. i am lucky wacky. :D
and i get paiiiddd! lol
actually, its mimie whoz been reminding me to blog. :D. and i found this link to change my layout,etc, so I was just playing around.
hehe, Ive actually read a few Jodi picoults books tht are like AWESOME. to me la. :P.
i'd wanted to blog about them. but i sorta forgot the story line. the actualy story line. zzzzz
ok, lets see, the most interesting one tht ive read...
is the Perfect match.
Its about this defense attorney, Nina frost. she deals with child molestation cases. and she knows like wht kinda trauma the parents and the child undergoes.
shes married to Caleb, and has abest friend named Patrick, who is a police officer. She also has a child around five to seven named Nathaniel. :) so heres how the story goes.
One day, after church, tht night, Nina realises her son doesnt seem to talk. and i mean not talk much, but not talk AT ALL.
SO she gets worried. then she waits for a few days...as in 3-4 days. super duper woried, she takes him to a speech terapist, but nathaniel just refuses to budge. about a week and somethin ghappens ins chool, she takes him to meet a psychatrist. i mean this god-forsaken child isnt talking. she tries to teach him sign language also. but Caleb is totally against it. so during the seconf visit to the psychatrist, they allow him to play at a corner and watch him. he takes this doll and shoves him tumb up the dolls butt.
Nina, immediately knows wht he means. wht has happened. But she is stoned, WHY? coz she has seen it happening to millions of other children. but this is her own child. Her freaking own little child. She was speechless and desperately wanted answers. At the same time, she couldnt imagine her son being put under the same stressful conditions as the other children. I mean u know how court casses work. they take like a few years. and in the end when the child is ready to talk, the prosecutor bombards the child so much, he is said to be unfit for a trial. well, cruel, but thts how the court works these days. and thus, the family and her best friend are crushed.
so she brings him to the sign language class.after a few classes, she slowly starts asking him to tell her who did it. I mean this is all after like desperate tries of making him answer who te hell did it. she is a mother. wht else can she do? she wanted answers!!!!! and patrick was there all the way to lead her tru. It was already a police case. SO, slowly, one day, while signalling his mother, he said, FATHER DID THIS TO ME.
and nina was shocked. FATHER???? as u mean??? UR DADDY??? CALEB!!???? OMG! she immediately calls patrick and crushes down to tears while telling him this. Out of rage, she drives out to Caleb... and tells him something spiteful. so, the police come and arrest Caleb. He is sent to jail. for a few days. what pained Caleb the most was tht he couldnt see his son. So one day, Nina came to the polica station to se patrick. and brought Nathaniel along. Nathaniel who was very upset coz he couldnt see his daddy, immediately jumped at his sight. the officers had to practically pull both of them apart. and mind you, nathaniel was crying his lungs out to be seperated from his dad.
hmm...tht was one thing Nina didnt understand. If it was Caleb who did it, why was nahtaniel so adamantly wanting his daddy... Patrick was confused too. SO he started slowly asking Nathaniel/ One day, around a week later, nathaniel comes up to him and says, its Father Gwen.
Or so, tht was wt patrick heard.
he knew he had the wrong guy. the father tht nathaniel had said wasnt his daddy, it was the sch priest, father Swensyiki, or commonly known as father Gwen.
Father gwen was arrested. Patrick went into investigation and found the underwear tht Nathaniel was wearing in a locker room in church, was stained with sperm. Sent it to the lab. and DNA results turned out to be positive.
SO it was father Gwen. Nina frost was fuming at rage. it was the day of arraingment. whr u see wether the prosecutor pleads guilty or not guilty. So she gets a handgun. walks down the courtroom, as she usually does, and pulls the trigger right at Father Gwens head. shooot!
he is dead.
she ends up in jail.
But it doesnt seem right again. Father Gwen was adored by all, everyone. hmm/.. NIna took the lab results again. In every DNA test, its a 99.9% confirmation tht its correct and proven right. But the 0.01% applies to twins. so she just does a random search on his background. doesnt make sense. Patrick continues Nina's work while she is held for murder. he looks out for the date tht all happened. the date Nathaniel went mute. tht day, apparently a group of priests from another church had com eover. so a crosscheck found out tht father there was a father GLEN. but who the hell is father glen???
He is a priest, who donated his bone marrow to father Gwen coz Father Gwen had leukimia. So crap. in father Gwens body, there were two samples of DNA. the one in the semen is diff from the one in the blood!!!! look at how a 0.01% diff can change it all. sighs. Nina gets acquitted. and is convicted with a confinement in country. alls safe. and the real molester, Father Glen, he is dead, died of heart attack, so is father Gwen, the innocent priest.
and i get paiiiddd! lol
actually, its mimie whoz been reminding me to blog. :D. and i found this link to change my layout,etc, so I was just playing around.
hehe, Ive actually read a few Jodi picoults books tht are like AWESOME. to me la. :P.
i'd wanted to blog about them. but i sorta forgot the story line. the actualy story line. zzzzz
ok, lets see, the most interesting one tht ive read...
is the Perfect match.
Its about this defense attorney, Nina frost. she deals with child molestation cases. and she knows like wht kinda trauma the parents and the child undergoes.
shes married to Caleb, and has abest friend named Patrick, who is a police officer. She also has a child around five to seven named Nathaniel. :) so heres how the story goes.
One day, after church, tht night, Nina realises her son doesnt seem to talk. and i mean not talk much, but not talk AT ALL.
SO she gets worried. then she waits for a few days...as in 3-4 days. super duper woried, she takes him to a speech terapist, but nathaniel just refuses to budge. about a week and somethin ghappens ins chool, she takes him to meet a psychatrist. i mean this god-forsaken child isnt talking. she tries to teach him sign language also. but Caleb is totally against it. so during the seconf visit to the psychatrist, they allow him to play at a corner and watch him. he takes this doll and shoves him tumb up the dolls butt.
Nina, immediately knows wht he means. wht has happened. But she is stoned, WHY? coz she has seen it happening to millions of other children. but this is her own child. Her freaking own little child. She was speechless and desperately wanted answers. At the same time, she couldnt imagine her son being put under the same stressful conditions as the other children. I mean u know how court casses work. they take like a few years. and in the end when the child is ready to talk, the prosecutor bombards the child so much, he is said to be unfit for a trial. well, cruel, but thts how the court works these days. and thus, the family and her best friend are crushed.
so she brings him to the sign language class.after a few classes, she slowly starts asking him to tell her who did it. I mean this is all after like desperate tries of making him answer who te hell did it. she is a mother. wht else can she do? she wanted answers!!!!! and patrick was there all the way to lead her tru. It was already a police case. SO, slowly, one day, while signalling his mother, he said, FATHER DID THIS TO ME.
and nina was shocked. FATHER???? as u mean??? UR DADDY??? CALEB!!???? OMG! she immediately calls patrick and crushes down to tears while telling him this. Out of rage, she drives out to Caleb... and tells him something spiteful. so, the police come and arrest Caleb. He is sent to jail. for a few days. what pained Caleb the most was tht he couldnt see his son. So one day, Nina came to the polica station to se patrick. and brought Nathaniel along. Nathaniel who was very upset coz he couldnt see his daddy, immediately jumped at his sight. the officers had to practically pull both of them apart. and mind you, nathaniel was crying his lungs out to be seperated from his dad.
hmm...tht was one thing Nina didnt understand. If it was Caleb who did it, why was nahtaniel so adamantly wanting his daddy... Patrick was confused too. SO he started slowly asking Nathaniel/ One day, around a week later, nathaniel comes up to him and says, its Father Gwen.
Or so, tht was wt patrick heard.
he knew he had the wrong guy. the father tht nathaniel had said wasnt his daddy, it was the sch priest, father Swensyiki, or commonly known as father Gwen.
Father gwen was arrested. Patrick went into investigation and found the underwear tht Nathaniel was wearing in a locker room in church, was stained with sperm. Sent it to the lab. and DNA results turned out to be positive.
SO it was father Gwen. Nina frost was fuming at rage. it was the day of arraingment. whr u see wether the prosecutor pleads guilty or not guilty. So she gets a handgun. walks down the courtroom, as she usually does, and pulls the trigger right at Father Gwens head. shooot!
he is dead.
she ends up in jail.
But it doesnt seem right again. Father Gwen was adored by all, everyone. hmm/.. NIna took the lab results again. In every DNA test, its a 99.9% confirmation tht its correct and proven right. But the 0.01% applies to twins. so she just does a random search on his background. doesnt make sense. Patrick continues Nina's work while she is held for murder. he looks out for the date tht all happened. the date Nathaniel went mute. tht day, apparently a group of priests from another church had com eover. so a crosscheck found out tht father there was a father GLEN. but who the hell is father glen???
He is a priest, who donated his bone marrow to father Gwen coz Father Gwen had leukimia. So crap. in father Gwens body, there were two samples of DNA. the one in the semen is diff from the one in the blood!!!! look at how a 0.01% diff can change it all. sighs. Nina gets acquitted. and is convicted with a confinement in country. alls safe. and the real molester, Father Glen, he is dead, died of heart attack, so is father Gwen, the innocent priest.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
the heart and the mind arent synchronised
hola!
its been a long time since i blogged. :)
firstly, i miss all the girls. damn~ its like so long ive not seen them.... hmm.... <3
secondly, im working. not busy working. so ive no internet access from 8 to 4. sobsss/
well, the rest of the time im too lazy. :D
ive been doing quite a few dance shows. so busy dancing. and with dance comes aches and bruises and sleep. :D so, im like addicted to sleeping. hahahha. till some one caled me a sleeping beauty. lol.
thats mostly about it. these past two days have sent me loads of msgs. maybe im getting the wrong signals, signs, etc.
but well, im just gona write it out.
i think, i should just let things go by the flow. i should not tell my heart what to feel and what not.
the once upon a time wonderful feelings have vanished.
and again, i fail. i blame it all upon myself. not on anyone. i should have been wiser not to get into this deep shit hole. and known the shortcomings i would have to face later. warns myself to what im getting into.
and no, i didnt. i failed at this same very point, AGAIN. :)
im not saying im happy but neither am I sad. I dont know why. its all in there, but yet it isnt coming out like it did, a few weeks earlier. my mind is tellin g me, its over. dun bother looking back. my hearts teeling me no, its still there.
but at the end of the day, shouldnt i see how well i get along. how well i solve problems, how well i deal with things. and not just how happy or excited i get?
its like tht. i was just thinking. if a tiny winny problem stirred so much confusion. millions of apologies. and it still crops up, then what about bigg bigg, and i mean BIG problems? how will they be solved?
i have had no intention to hurt someone, infact anyone intentionally. all tht i do i follow my feelings and i sincerely mean every move. if i do, or did something wron, i apologise, ive apologised and im sorry.
yet, some where in my mind, im blocking things out. its giving me a headache. ive now have a mental block. its so painful, my head tht is. :D.
i wish certain things were like dust, to be just wiped or blown away. instead it stays there like rust and keeps rusting.
ive no idea how things are on the other side, or other corner. somewhere in my heart, i still wish things are the same. Its the norm right? im still a human being. <3
i close my eyes and whisper a prayer, hoping tht its all over. hoping tht it gets better, or hoping tht it all ends. i promised myself nvr to give up, and here i am, hanging at the end of the rope, falling off a cliff, landing on my deathbed. (ewww, tht was emo)
<3 and hugs.
Kaveiinaa
its been a long time since i blogged. :)
firstly, i miss all the girls. damn~ its like so long ive not seen them.... hmm.... <3
secondly, im working. not busy working. so ive no internet access from 8 to 4. sobsss/
well, the rest of the time im too lazy. :D
ive been doing quite a few dance shows. so busy dancing. and with dance comes aches and bruises and sleep. :D so, im like addicted to sleeping. hahahha. till some one caled me a sleeping beauty. lol.
thats mostly about it. these past two days have sent me loads of msgs. maybe im getting the wrong signals, signs, etc.
but well, im just gona write it out.
i think, i should just let things go by the flow. i should not tell my heart what to feel and what not.
the once upon a time wonderful feelings have vanished.
and again, i fail. i blame it all upon myself. not on anyone. i should have been wiser not to get into this deep shit hole. and known the shortcomings i would have to face later. warns myself to what im getting into.
and no, i didnt. i failed at this same very point, AGAIN. :)
im not saying im happy but neither am I sad. I dont know why. its all in there, but yet it isnt coming out like it did, a few weeks earlier. my mind is tellin g me, its over. dun bother looking back. my hearts teeling me no, its still there.
but at the end of the day, shouldnt i see how well i get along. how well i solve problems, how well i deal with things. and not just how happy or excited i get?
its like tht. i was just thinking. if a tiny winny problem stirred so much confusion. millions of apologies. and it still crops up, then what about bigg bigg, and i mean BIG problems? how will they be solved?
i have had no intention to hurt someone, infact anyone intentionally. all tht i do i follow my feelings and i sincerely mean every move. if i do, or did something wron, i apologise, ive apologised and im sorry.
yet, some where in my mind, im blocking things out. its giving me a headache. ive now have a mental block. its so painful, my head tht is. :D.
i wish certain things were like dust, to be just wiped or blown away. instead it stays there like rust and keeps rusting.
ive no idea how things are on the other side, or other corner. somewhere in my heart, i still wish things are the same. Its the norm right? im still a human being. <3
i close my eyes and whisper a prayer, hoping tht its all over. hoping tht it gets better, or hoping tht it all ends. i promised myself nvr to give up, and here i am, hanging at the end of the rope, falling off a cliff, landing on my deathbed. (ewww, tht was emo)
<3 and hugs.
Kaveiinaa
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Kanden kadhalai- Naan mozhi arinden
Naan mozhi arindhen un vaarthayil
andru naan vazhi arindhen un paarvayil
naan ennai arindhen un arugilenaan thisai arindhen un vizhiyile
indru naan vali arindhen un pirivile
Naan mozhi arindhen un vaarthayil
andru naan vazhi arindhen un paarvayil
nalladhoru poo vaasam naan arindha velayil
nandha vanam pona idam naan ariyenen
nudaya aahayam kai serndha velayil
vennilavu pona idam naan ariyen
kaatrai pola veesiyaval
kayyai veesi ponadhengey
ootrai pola pesiyaval
oomai aagi ponadhengey
vaazhvai meetu koduthavaley
neeyum tholaindhu ponadhengey
Naan mozhi arindhen un vaarthayil
andru naan vazhi arindhen un paarvayil
kannimayil ore aasai onnjalidum velayil
unmaigalai ulmanadhil kaanbadhillai
punnagayil naan thoonga aasai patta velayil
un madiyil thoongum nilai nyayam illai
megam engu pogum enaneela vaanam ninaipadhillai
kaalam podum veligalaikaalgal thaandi nadapadhillai
vazhndhu pogum vaazhkayiley
namadhu kayyil yedhum illai
Naan mozhi arindhen un vaarthayil
andru naan vazhi arindhen un paarvayil
naan ennai arindhen un arugile
naan thisai arindhen un vizhiyile
indru naan vali arindhen un pirivile
Naan mozhi arindhen un vaarthayil
andru naan vazhi arindhen un paarvayil
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
neaty heart
i am not in a happy mode or sad mode or angry either. i am just tired. :)
I put on a happy front, hoping tht things would change. I know it would. i pray for things to go back where it was. for it all to be the same. i need to learn. from my mistakes. and i hope you dont repeat yours.
things will be fine, i know it. at the back of my mind. i shut my eyes and hope for the better.
the word hope seems to be coming on a lot, aint it? yes, coz i hope. thats all I can do. i know you arent just 'any other.'
:)
i will wait.
I put on a happy front, hoping tht things would change. I know it would. i pray for things to go back where it was. for it all to be the same. i need to learn. from my mistakes. and i hope you dont repeat yours.
things will be fine, i know it. at the back of my mind. i shut my eyes and hope for the better.
the word hope seems to be coming on a lot, aint it? yes, coz i hope. thats all I can do. i know you arent just 'any other.'
:)
i will wait.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
As of from thursday, 1st April,12 am till now.
I dont know. and i dont get it. I dont want to give up. I've done it too many times. I want to stick to it.
Why do you torture me such, oh little feather.
I've never donne such a thing to anyone. more like for anyone! WHY YOU? why do you have such an attraction over my life, over me?? WHY?
I've cried buckets, I feel cheap. This isnt me. I shall wait.
Thats all is runing through my head.
But i dont get it. like seriously. what did i do wrong. why land me with a 40 degree celsius fever. WHY? ugh. you would never know it. atleast not until you read this blog.
I dont want to feel such vulnerability. I am strong. But just what mistake did i Do? I try to be myself. THINK WHAT I WANT TO THINK. and POOOOFFFF there it all goes into thin air.
I have begged enough like a dog. Now, all i shall do is wait. and WAIT. and waiting is ****ing hell.
guys.
I dont get it. how can you go on with the next second without thinking of your problems. I mean if it were me...i would wanna solve tht problem and get on with life. like the way it is. the way its used to be. But no, i will wait.
god-dammit. there it goes. moist on the cheek.
hey, i found out something today. I am hell of a good actor at home. :D so proud.
But its all a lie. crumbled to pieces. like pea-NUTs.
I suck it all in and wait. gather whatever little self respect i have in myself.... and wait.
someone asked, why i choose to wait? and not move on?
the answer is tht moving on was and is never an option. GET IT? never!
ugh. i feel like a smashed sushi. like a lifeless vegetable.
terrible,
horrible,
vegetable.
It rhymed! yeay! argh!
I know whatever ive said is gonna sound perfectly wrong. But yeah. it is wrong.
i just want it as it was before. before these past few weeks. atleast before thursday.
I nvr meant to hurt anyone. Not intentionally. why such suckiness in my life.
sick.
from a sick bird,
kave.
Why do you torture me such, oh little feather.
I've never donne such a thing to anyone. more like for anyone! WHY YOU? why do you have such an attraction over my life, over me?? WHY?
I've cried buckets, I feel cheap. This isnt me. I shall wait.
Thats all is runing through my head.
But i dont get it. like seriously. what did i do wrong. why land me with a 40 degree celsius fever. WHY? ugh. you would never know it. atleast not until you read this blog.
I dont want to feel such vulnerability. I am strong. But just what mistake did i Do? I try to be myself. THINK WHAT I WANT TO THINK. and POOOOFFFF there it all goes into thin air.
I have begged enough like a dog. Now, all i shall do is wait. and WAIT. and waiting is ****ing hell.
guys.
I dont get it. how can you go on with the next second without thinking of your problems. I mean if it were me...i would wanna solve tht problem and get on with life. like the way it is. the way its used to be. But no, i will wait.
god-dammit. there it goes. moist on the cheek.
hey, i found out something today. I am hell of a good actor at home. :D so proud.
But its all a lie. crumbled to pieces. like pea-NUTs.
I suck it all in and wait. gather whatever little self respect i have in myself.... and wait.
someone asked, why i choose to wait? and not move on?
the answer is tht moving on was and is never an option. GET IT? never!
ugh. i feel like a smashed sushi. like a lifeless vegetable.
terrible,
horrible,
vegetable.
It rhymed! yeay! argh!
I know whatever ive said is gonna sound perfectly wrong. But yeah. it is wrong.
i just want it as it was before. before these past few weeks. atleast before thursday.
I nvr meant to hurt anyone. Not intentionally. why such suckiness in my life.
sick.
from a sick bird,
kave.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
The state of my mind.
I just needed a topic to blog about, and hey hey hey! my good friend Michelle, just gave me one. Well, i read it through my blog. Its about girls.
Ok i am being too general, am I not,
Its about the hormonal fluctuations a girl has and experiences every month.
True at times, when its PMS girls, or more like I tend to get angry, annoyed and picky easily. Its the hormmones ppll!!! well, girls would naturally know it. But most of the rest dont. sadly~
i guess its natural for people to crave for attention during their PMS. But, sadly or annoyingly, i realise i do so....ALL the time.. not to everyone...but just some people and someone, particularly. I hope it doesnt get too annoying. Coz i myself find it annoying. I dunno la. At times, the conversation starts off all proper. Then towards the end, it turns sour. AH, maybe i am just overreacting and thinking too much.
But still...
=.=/ not intending to continue further. i am an attention seeker. sue me. screw me for my over reactive and hyperactive imagination. Do i look like i care??? NOPE. to the rest out there tht cannot understand me or my character. I seriously do not care if you do. It ain't my problem at all. Seriously, it isnt. If you cant get along with me, i don''t care. But atleast i am not being fake or insincere in any way.
tht paragraph above. i donot know who was it mean to. But i just felt like telling it. So far i've had a good life with great friends. So i ain't complaining. I just wished things were very much simpler.
Another thing, Its particularly annoying when mummy asks me to sit down. I mean if you give me some work to do and ask me to sit down quietly and do the work, i can. BUT if you give me NOTHING and ExPECT me NOT TO MOVE... that isnt gonna happen. Seriously, i am a hyperactive child and you know it. So don't expect me to do ridiculous things.
I haven't been able to sontrol my emotions lately. I think its all about staying at home and rotting. That has caused me much disgrace and harm, much more than i expected. mum thinks i am an undisciplined child tht cannot survive in a world full of impossible things. geez.... thanks. you made my mind and day so much positive. i feel like crying and helpless at times. Its that bored. you can go nuts!!! seriously. the only time i enjoy these days are my dance classes. I would probably go insane and be admitted to the Tampoi Hospital if it weren't for my dance.
Ah, i try to give you as much comfort as I can. and thats all i have to offer. I am a brat tht doesnt and cannot sit still. screw me. i don't care.
from a hyperactive child,
Kaveiinaa
Ok i am being too general, am I not,
Its about the hormonal fluctuations a girl has and experiences every month.
True at times, when its PMS girls, or more like I tend to get angry, annoyed and picky easily. Its the hormmones ppll!!! well, girls would naturally know it. But most of the rest dont. sadly~
i guess its natural for people to crave for attention during their PMS. But, sadly or annoyingly, i realise i do so....ALL the time.. not to everyone...but just some people and someone, particularly. I hope it doesnt get too annoying. Coz i myself find it annoying. I dunno la. At times, the conversation starts off all proper. Then towards the end, it turns sour. AH, maybe i am just overreacting and thinking too much.
But still...
=.=/ not intending to continue further. i am an attention seeker. sue me. screw me for my over reactive and hyperactive imagination. Do i look like i care??? NOPE. to the rest out there tht cannot understand me or my character. I seriously do not care if you do. It ain't my problem at all. Seriously, it isnt. If you cant get along with me, i don''t care. But atleast i am not being fake or insincere in any way.
tht paragraph above. i donot know who was it mean to. But i just felt like telling it. So far i've had a good life with great friends. So i ain't complaining. I just wished things were very much simpler.
Another thing, Its particularly annoying when mummy asks me to sit down. I mean if you give me some work to do and ask me to sit down quietly and do the work, i can. BUT if you give me NOTHING and ExPECT me NOT TO MOVE... that isnt gonna happen. Seriously, i am a hyperactive child and you know it. So don't expect me to do ridiculous things.
I haven't been able to sontrol my emotions lately. I think its all about staying at home and rotting. That has caused me much disgrace and harm, much more than i expected. mum thinks i am an undisciplined child tht cannot survive in a world full of impossible things. geez.... thanks. you made my mind and day so much positive. i feel like crying and helpless at times. Its that bored. you can go nuts!!! seriously. the only time i enjoy these days are my dance classes. I would probably go insane and be admitted to the Tampoi Hospital if it weren't for my dance.
Ah, i try to give you as much comfort as I can. and thats all i have to offer. I am a brat tht doesnt and cannot sit still. screw me. i don't care.
from a hyperactive child,
Kaveiinaa
Monday, March 8, 2010
Friends for life~
I just read someones blog a few days ago on all her friends. and so, i decided to blog about the girls and a few others from Sunway. when i am actually supposed to be doing shasha's homework!
Mimie
she was a quite little tiny tot when i first got to know her. we didnt really talk much in the first sem. But in the second sem we somehow grew closer in ECONS class and boy, she soooooo isnt QUIET!!!! the way she screams, she could wake ur sleeping brains up and jiggle ur heartbeat for a few seconds. :D and so we bonded. somehow. lazily over our econs books, arguing, screaming and mostly i feel comfortable talking to her my personal stuff. she somehow understands and tells me what to do when. like a therapist. :P my personal therapist. we compliment each other- i finish her food up whenever she cant. (dont i always do tht?)anyways, i will be seeing her for the next three years. So i dun have anything to get worried about. hehehe. :D
nesha
i know her since form 1. we never were really close until we came to Sunway. all the while i thought she was quiet and reserved. hahaha. how wrong was I!!!! we got along really well. i always stole her stationaries, we love food and we have nearly the same sense of fashion!!!! yaaay! hahaha. and yes, we got crazy-er during maths class and i would get so annoyed looking at her extra neat handwritting and drawings and filings. zzzz.=.=. so yes, this was the girl that taught me how to clean my table up and file up my papers. :P. i would miss those tiny little fingers. she has the most tiniest little fingers and the smallest feet!!!!!
Esh
oh, my twin! how i love being by her side, coz she is nearly, exactly me, physically and in terms of her character~!! we both love dancing...and we do it anywhere. we sing, although we know ppl hate to hear us singing. :D crazy people we are. hehehe. she gives me a boost of confidence to do basically, anything.... and tht includes manate vanguraning ourselves. as usual. we do it all the time. she can really cheer for someone and knows how to calm people down.:D hmm....we are nearly the same size so sometimes we would exchange slippers. i think if you allow us, we would exchnage whatever we were wearing also. :D we are the *chincai* type.:P
Olive
yaay! my confused kiddo tht makes me laugh all the time. hehehe. I love her the way she is and she definately is my stress reliever coz i get to scream my LUNGS out at her when i get annoyed.:D thanks for undertaking all my screamings olipe oil. :D she can confuse you with ONE sentence. till u have to go... "right olipe". turn to the nearest person and ask the same question back again.:D hehehe. a little fragile she is, but i am sure she will stand up strong for anything she believes. i remember those times where i used to knock my head for asking er a question. or when all the girls simultaneously go "oliiiivvvvveeeee" coz she did/said something. hahaha.
Ain
This girl just loves being herself. and i mean it. ANYTIME, anywhere!!!! be it in the middle of the class or at the courtyard or in the car or even in JUSCO! if she wants to scream, she would. If she wants to run, she would. If she wants to burp righ tonto the teachers face, SHE WOULD!!!! ah, who could ever forget that infamous BURP????? everytime i burp loudly, i think of you! :D thanks for teaching me just to be myself. she was one person whom i remember chasing around the college till was i was breathless!!!!!! one crazy nut, she is.
Kimmie
i would describe her like a piece of cheesecake. creamy on the outside, but mind you, they come in a variety of taste. hehehe. in the morning she would be all smiley one day... the next she would be hyper, the next she would be scarily moody. :D oh well, we got used to all of that, and her hyperness was...extremely HYPER! hehehe. i miss those days where i would jump into her car and be totally useless sitting next to her not even knowing how to operate the radio. sad~ hehe. those days where we ussed to do maths in the school library. i would annoy the HELL out of her and she will not even look at me but just say. *kave, shut up* heehehe. i sed to giggle and shut up. i can say tht i learned to sit still from her. her diligence in her studies taught me to do the same too. when she sets her mind onto something, she would pursue it. no oone can change her.:D unless she is still weighing her conditions.:)
Sheev
at one look, you would think she is the MOST quietest and sweetest girl you ever saw. mind you, LOOKS CAN BE DECEIVING!!!!! hahaha. she slowly opened up with us.... little by little we got to know the not -so-innocent part of her. a fun girl to be with. most definately! kimmie and olive used to argue tht sheev was theirs and the rest would just be laughing out loud. hahaha. how we used to tease her with some guy in college. lol. and oh, i sat next to her during my last semester. :) i think i tortured her enough by asking for testpads. LOL. whenever i brought one, she would go... WOOOWWW you brought...:P hehehe.
oh well, all the girls not forgetting Wan ting and Ming Wei, where the ones that lit up my college life. I love them for who they are and i guess, we just really clicked.
I would miss all the times that we had together. the trashion show times, mandarin oranges times, movie night...exam stress, bubble tea times, those days where we used to wander in Jusco lifelessly. oh, i so miss those times...
I just want to say, you guys have thought me many things. i know we would never get to go through those moments the exact same way that we were. But still memories will last forever. I feel that i might forget the tiny things we did and stop appreciating you guys. ah, the last few days in college were the best times i had. when we used to be so apologetic over EVERYTHING. As long as i have such a thing as a PHONE and INTERNET CONNECTION, i would never fail to remember and keep intouch with you guys.
:D thanks for all the memories and i decided to include my graduation speech too~
A very good evening to the Guest of honour, Ms Gail Taylor, principal, Mrs Hor Poh Choo, deputy principle, lecturers, family members, and my fellow friends. I promised myself not to end up in tears at then end of this speech, and hopefully I keep my word! Someone once told me, "Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off of your goals." Upon entering this course18 months ago, the majority of us had one goal and only one goal in mind, to prepare ourselves to enter the university! Many of us have heard people say that high school is the best time of our lives, so we better enjoy it. With that in mind, we thought that the next 18 months would be a breeze and before we knew it we would be out of here.
We soon got to know the truth a few months later. A levels hasn’t been smooth-sailing, like we thought it would be. There were times in these past few months where some of us broke down and nearly gave up on everything! Through these times, we had our dear lecturers holding us together and propelling us towards our goals. Ms Hong and Ms Meera, your dedication has always reminded us that we could never give up. Mr Kow, your enthusiasm to always complete a question, plus the stories of Nobel prize winners has been an inspiring note for us to succeed. Ms Wong, Mr Ng and Ms Parvathi, your classes have been interesting and left us with lots of of memories to cherish with. . Not forgetting Ms Haw and Ms Janice for the extra help, reminders and warnings.
Never will any of us forget the daily laughter, stress and emotional moments we went through. A perfect example would be Hao Ran’s infamous laughter that would come with a delay of a second and send the whole class cracking up with laughter! Another, would be the way the guys talk so passionately about cars that makes the girls wonder if they really are talking about the cars….or is it something else!
On this day, I would like to represent my class to tell the lecturers how great and wonderful they have been. We are sorry if we have done anything wrong that might have hurt or upset your feelings. We would also like to thank Sunway College for having groomed us to what we are today. Though we were here for a short period of time, each and every moment was enlightenng and educative in many ways. Also thank you to our parents for your unfailing support all the way through this course.
Many days have I sat and wondered how long it will be for our final day. That day is upon me now and I can’t believe how fast it came. I’m glad we have had this time together, before we head into the adult world. I wish all of you good luck in your futures,wherever the future takes you. I hope we can all take advantage of the oppurtunities ahead of us and grab life with both hands!
Nothing lasts forever though you want it to
The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you
A year from now
Maybe there’ll be things
We’ll wish we’d never said
A year from now
Maybe we’ll see each other,standing on the same street corner,
with no regrets.
Each and every end is always written in the stars
If only I could stop the world,
I’d make this last.
Thanks Sunway. Thank you lecturers, thank you parents and I thank you all!
and that was it! i remember cracking up a little during my last sentence of the poem. i love you babies so much.:)
from an ex-student of Sunway JB,
Kaveiinaa..
Mimie
she was a quite little tiny tot when i first got to know her. we didnt really talk much in the first sem. But in the second sem we somehow grew closer in ECONS class and boy, she soooooo isnt QUIET!!!! the way she screams, she could wake ur sleeping brains up and jiggle ur heartbeat for a few seconds. :D and so we bonded. somehow. lazily over our econs books, arguing, screaming and mostly i feel comfortable talking to her my personal stuff. she somehow understands and tells me what to do when. like a therapist. :P my personal therapist. we compliment each other- i finish her food up whenever she cant. (dont i always do tht?)anyways, i will be seeing her for the next three years. So i dun have anything to get worried about. hehehe. :D
nesha
i know her since form 1. we never were really close until we came to Sunway. all the while i thought she was quiet and reserved. hahaha. how wrong was I!!!! we got along really well. i always stole her stationaries, we love food and we have nearly the same sense of fashion!!!! yaaay! hahaha. and yes, we got crazy-er during maths class and i would get so annoyed looking at her extra neat handwritting and drawings and filings. zzzz.=.=. so yes, this was the girl that taught me how to clean my table up and file up my papers. :P. i would miss those tiny little fingers. she has the most tiniest little fingers and the smallest feet!!!!!
Esh
oh, my twin! how i love being by her side, coz she is nearly, exactly me, physically and in terms of her character~!! we both love dancing...and we do it anywhere. we sing, although we know ppl hate to hear us singing. :D crazy people we are. hehehe. she gives me a boost of confidence to do basically, anything.... and tht includes manate vanguraning ourselves. as usual. we do it all the time. she can really cheer for someone and knows how to calm people down.:D hmm....we are nearly the same size so sometimes we would exchange slippers. i think if you allow us, we would exchnage whatever we were wearing also. :D we are the *chincai* type.:P
Olive
yaay! my confused kiddo tht makes me laugh all the time. hehehe. I love her the way she is and she definately is my stress reliever coz i get to scream my LUNGS out at her when i get annoyed.:D thanks for undertaking all my screamings olipe oil. :D she can confuse you with ONE sentence. till u have to go... "right olipe". turn to the nearest person and ask the same question back again.:D hehehe. a little fragile she is, but i am sure she will stand up strong for anything she believes. i remember those times where i used to knock my head for asking er a question. or when all the girls simultaneously go "oliiiivvvvveeeee" coz she did/said something. hahaha.
Ain
This girl just loves being herself. and i mean it. ANYTIME, anywhere!!!! be it in the middle of the class or at the courtyard or in the car or even in JUSCO! if she wants to scream, she would. If she wants to run, she would. If she wants to burp righ tonto the teachers face, SHE WOULD!!!! ah, who could ever forget that infamous BURP????? everytime i burp loudly, i think of you! :D thanks for teaching me just to be myself. she was one person whom i remember chasing around the college till was i was breathless!!!!!! one crazy nut, she is.
Kimmie
i would describe her like a piece of cheesecake. creamy on the outside, but mind you, they come in a variety of taste. hehehe. in the morning she would be all smiley one day... the next she would be hyper, the next she would be scarily moody. :D oh well, we got used to all of that, and her hyperness was...extremely HYPER! hehehe. i miss those days where i would jump into her car and be totally useless sitting next to her not even knowing how to operate the radio. sad~ hehe. those days where we ussed to do maths in the school library. i would annoy the HELL out of her and she will not even look at me but just say. *kave, shut up* heehehe. i sed to giggle and shut up. i can say tht i learned to sit still from her. her diligence in her studies taught me to do the same too. when she sets her mind onto something, she would pursue it. no oone can change her.:D unless she is still weighing her conditions.:)
Sheev
at one look, you would think she is the MOST quietest and sweetest girl you ever saw. mind you, LOOKS CAN BE DECEIVING!!!!! hahaha. she slowly opened up with us.... little by little we got to know the not -so-innocent part of her. a fun girl to be with. most definately! kimmie and olive used to argue tht sheev was theirs and the rest would just be laughing out loud. hahaha. how we used to tease her with some guy in college. lol. and oh, i sat next to her during my last semester. :) i think i tortured her enough by asking for testpads. LOL. whenever i brought one, she would go... WOOOWWW you brought...:P hehehe.
oh well, all the girls not forgetting Wan ting and Ming Wei, where the ones that lit up my college life. I love them for who they are and i guess, we just really clicked.
I would miss all the times that we had together. the trashion show times, mandarin oranges times, movie night...exam stress, bubble tea times, those days where we used to wander in Jusco lifelessly. oh, i so miss those times...
I just want to say, you guys have thought me many things. i know we would never get to go through those moments the exact same way that we were. But still memories will last forever. I feel that i might forget the tiny things we did and stop appreciating you guys. ah, the last few days in college were the best times i had. when we used to be so apologetic over EVERYTHING. As long as i have such a thing as a PHONE and INTERNET CONNECTION, i would never fail to remember and keep intouch with you guys.
:D thanks for all the memories and i decided to include my graduation speech too~
A very good evening to the Guest of honour, Ms Gail Taylor, principal, Mrs Hor Poh Choo, deputy principle, lecturers, family members, and my fellow friends. I promised myself not to end up in tears at then end of this speech, and hopefully I keep my word! Someone once told me, "Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off of your goals." Upon entering this course18 months ago, the majority of us had one goal and only one goal in mind, to prepare ourselves to enter the university! Many of us have heard people say that high school is the best time of our lives, so we better enjoy it. With that in mind, we thought that the next 18 months would be a breeze and before we knew it we would be out of here.
We soon got to know the truth a few months later. A levels hasn’t been smooth-sailing, like we thought it would be. There were times in these past few months where some of us broke down and nearly gave up on everything! Through these times, we had our dear lecturers holding us together and propelling us towards our goals. Ms Hong and Ms Meera, your dedication has always reminded us that we could never give up. Mr Kow, your enthusiasm to always complete a question, plus the stories of Nobel prize winners has been an inspiring note for us to succeed. Ms Wong, Mr Ng and Ms Parvathi, your classes have been interesting and left us with lots of of memories to cherish with. . Not forgetting Ms Haw and Ms Janice for the extra help, reminders and warnings.
Never will any of us forget the daily laughter, stress and emotional moments we went through. A perfect example would be Hao Ran’s infamous laughter that would come with a delay of a second and send the whole class cracking up with laughter! Another, would be the way the guys talk so passionately about cars that makes the girls wonder if they really are talking about the cars….or is it something else!
On this day, I would like to represent my class to tell the lecturers how great and wonderful they have been. We are sorry if we have done anything wrong that might have hurt or upset your feelings. We would also like to thank Sunway College for having groomed us to what we are today. Though we were here for a short period of time, each and every moment was enlightenng and educative in many ways. Also thank you to our parents for your unfailing support all the way through this course.
Many days have I sat and wondered how long it will be for our final day. That day is upon me now and I can’t believe how fast it came. I’m glad we have had this time together, before we head into the adult world. I wish all of you good luck in your futures,wherever the future takes you. I hope we can all take advantage of the oppurtunities ahead of us and grab life with both hands!
Nothing lasts forever though you want it to
The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you
A year from now
Maybe there’ll be things
We’ll wish we’d never said
A year from now
Maybe we’ll see each other,standing on the same street corner,
with no regrets.
Each and every end is always written in the stars
If only I could stop the world,
I’d make this last.
Thanks Sunway. Thank you lecturers, thank you parents and I thank you all!
and that was it! i remember cracking up a little during my last sentence of the poem. i love you babies so much.:)
from an ex-student of Sunway JB,
Kaveiinaa..
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
crap.
as you all knw, i love to crap.
and when i blog, it barely... i mean it BARELY makes sense.
so i decided to crap again.:D
scream "yaaay" ppl......!:P
right....
i am nuts.
well....sitting at home is driving me insane.
i asked mummy to get a job. when everthing looks so blady promising, suddenly the job is gone. and i cant take it! i need to GET OUT! its gonna be hell for the next few months if not. i dun mind being super busy. but not like this.... SUPER Free....
and amma keeps giving me restrictions to read something. not go online too long. not to watch too much tv. BL ABL ABLA.//// i mean like seriously, WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO AT HOME?
grrr....
*sighs* al i do is take it in one ear...and take it out.
i am stupid. i get it.
ah, whatever la.
i dun care d.
malas. tell la whatever you want. yes, you are right. i am having the tell-la-whatever-you-want attitude.
:(
i have a dance show tomorrow. i dont think i make myself a good dancer. its a form of art i lost a very long time ago. still, i love doing it although i am not perfect.
i will not lost touch with it. i just need my stamina and THE REST back.
amma had actually promised to do my arrangetram if i get a scholaarship. Now that i think of it, i at times feel like doing it. and at times not.
i feel like doing it coz i think it would mould me, in the sense the torturous practices would mould me to become someone better, with more stamina and open my future in dance when it comes to dancing with master. I dont think im being selfish or jealous by saying this, but i realise that those who do their arangetrams or are planning to do, unless they are extremely good are the ones tht get to dance for the mega shows.
and i want to do so too. just because i missed my first chance of performing an out of johor show doesnt mean tht my chances of performing outstation again are closed right.
hmm....i know. i aint tht good for that shows.
For reasons tht i dont want to do my arangetram is that i feel it is an opening to everything. i mean, i want it to be a blast! but i dun think i have reached such a stage yet. i have yet to learn more and broaden my horizons. i dun wnat it to be the end, but my beginning to this form of art.
Such is my fate, the promise isnt fulfilled. i dont think it will ever be. maybe it isnt my thing and i should lay it to rest.
:)
i think i came here to blog about something and i am blogging about somethign else. :D
its okie. it happens. my brains are screwed. the weather is so hot here!
good night ppl,
from,
cookie kave.:D
and when i blog, it barely... i mean it BARELY makes sense.
so i decided to crap again.:D
scream "yaaay" ppl......!:P
right....
i am nuts.
well....sitting at home is driving me insane.
i asked mummy to get a job. when everthing looks so blady promising, suddenly the job is gone. and i cant take it! i need to GET OUT! its gonna be hell for the next few months if not. i dun mind being super busy. but not like this.... SUPER Free....
and amma keeps giving me restrictions to read something. not go online too long. not to watch too much tv. BL ABL ABLA.//// i mean like seriously, WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO AT HOME?
grrr....
*sighs* al i do is take it in one ear...and take it out.
i am stupid. i get it.
ah, whatever la.
i dun care d.
malas. tell la whatever you want. yes, you are right. i am having the tell-la-whatever-you-want attitude.
:(
i have a dance show tomorrow. i dont think i make myself a good dancer. its a form of art i lost a very long time ago. still, i love doing it although i am not perfect.
i will not lost touch with it. i just need my stamina and THE REST back.
amma had actually promised to do my arrangetram if i get a scholaarship. Now that i think of it, i at times feel like doing it. and at times not.
i feel like doing it coz i think it would mould me, in the sense the torturous practices would mould me to become someone better, with more stamina and open my future in dance when it comes to dancing with master. I dont think im being selfish or jealous by saying this, but i realise that those who do their arangetrams or are planning to do, unless they are extremely good are the ones tht get to dance for the mega shows.
and i want to do so too. just because i missed my first chance of performing an out of johor show doesnt mean tht my chances of performing outstation again are closed right.
hmm....i know. i aint tht good for that shows.
For reasons tht i dont want to do my arangetram is that i feel it is an opening to everything. i mean, i want it to be a blast! but i dun think i have reached such a stage yet. i have yet to learn more and broaden my horizons. i dun wnat it to be the end, but my beginning to this form of art.
Such is my fate, the promise isnt fulfilled. i dont think it will ever be. maybe it isnt my thing and i should lay it to rest.
:)
i think i came here to blog about something and i am blogging about somethign else. :D
its okie. it happens. my brains are screwed. the weather is so hot here!
good night ppl,
from,
cookie kave.:D
Monday, March 1, 2010
blub blub blub~
i finally met the girls last saturday.. all were looking so gorgeous. we celebrated olives bday!! hehehe like kiddos. nesha is flying off soon.:( really sad. ain came bck! * i was like jumping over her* it was simply, purely, heavenly fun!!! only thing, i missed sheev.
lalala~
so happy my new slacks fit me perfectly.:D
hahaha.... well thats about what i wanted to blog.
But i am missing my drug,
where are you?...:(
hmm.....another thought came up. have you ever in your life felt like the person you know/ talk to is being so bloody insincere. so evil no matter how much ppl have done for them? so cruel, selfisha nd jealous over tiny matters that dont even mean much. well ive lost my respect for whoever tht person is a VERY LONG time ago.
i dunno. But i dont think many would care if i do or not, either way. After all, i am just-a-tiny-little-girl-that-acts-like-a-grandma. i hate it. i have my rihts to speak.and when i do..ppl say things like you are too young to speak such. but isnt everyone doing the same "such" too? Its annoying...the age gap has brought differences in your right to speak? i guess it runs as a tradition or respect. *sighs* i still dont know how to shut my blady mouth. i have no judgement of wht to say to anyone. I tell people all that comes to my mind. is tht wrong? in this world, YESS!!! *sighs*
~my potent drug still hasnt come~
ah, whts the use of praying all day 24/7 when your heat is filled with hatred. i dun understand such ppl!!
ok..i need my DRUGG!!!....
till then,
from an addictive mind,
kaveiinaa
lalala~
so happy my new slacks fit me perfectly.:D
hahaha.... well thats about what i wanted to blog.
But i am missing my drug,
where are you?...:(
hmm.....another thought came up. have you ever in your life felt like the person you know/ talk to is being so bloody insincere. so evil no matter how much ppl have done for them? so cruel, selfisha nd jealous over tiny matters that dont even mean much. well ive lost my respect for whoever tht person is a VERY LONG time ago.
i dunno. But i dont think many would care if i do or not, either way. After all, i am just-a-tiny-little-girl-that-acts-like-a-grandma. i hate it. i have my rihts to speak.and when i do..ppl say things like you are too young to speak such. but isnt everyone doing the same "such" too? Its annoying...the age gap has brought differences in your right to speak? i guess it runs as a tradition or respect. *sighs* i still dont know how to shut my blady mouth. i have no judgement of wht to say to anyone. I tell people all that comes to my mind. is tht wrong? in this world, YESS!!! *sighs*
~my potent drug still hasnt come~
ah, whts the use of praying all day 24/7 when your heat is filled with hatred. i dun understand such ppl!!
ok..i need my DRUGG!!!....
till then,
from an addictive mind,
kaveiinaa
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Pathetic
It feels utterly pathetic when you look at the time waiting for it to move minute by minute! ugh!
i havent told amma about tmr night- going out wt my aunty and all
i seriously freaking DO NOT remember a single step of my dance. * screwed*
i hope i can make it out with the girls on thursday.
i hope my aunt can return to me asap. coz im going KUKU!!
lastly,....
i hope someone can be back to normal. :)
ah, isit wrong to only wish good for someone? i dont find myself perfect in anyway. then whats the flaw of being flawless??
ok. that was a little too much...i know. flawless is too much. :D i am not perfect. i try to live up to the expectations set on me. If i fail, then im sorry.
but, i still dont see it, whats the problem then. maybe i just dont know the problem yet.
ah,
If only you knew,
Ive done mistakes,
too ashamed to be told.
i havent told amma about tmr night- going out wt my aunty and all
i seriously freaking DO NOT remember a single step of my dance. * screwed*
i hope i can make it out with the girls on thursday.
i hope my aunt can return to me asap. coz im going KUKU!!
lastly,....
i hope someone can be back to normal. :)
ah, isit wrong to only wish good for someone? i dont find myself perfect in anyway. then whats the flaw of being flawless??
ok. that was a little too much...i know. flawless is too much. :D i am not perfect. i try to live up to the expectations set on me. If i fail, then im sorry.
but, i still dont see it, whats the problem then. maybe i just dont know the problem yet.
ah,
If only you knew,
Ive done mistakes,
too ashamed to be told.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Bored~
I am so freaking bored. I can feel my brains just frozen and not working even on simple matters.:D
Anyways, I hope my aunt returns my calls soon so tht i can know if i can work or not!!!
But again, i want to hang out with the girls on thursday! *sighs*
when you have nothing much to think, you mess your head up with nonsensical stuff.:)
I just hope all goes on well...
You know at times, when you feel so inferior of someone. you just dont have the confidence to approach and talk. you feel your life lagging behind you...
ok, this might sound like its a love story or something...ITS NOT!!!
hahaha....its when you have a mummy that says things which are not actually what you feel! grrr. annoying. i know you can read my mind. Some times. but not all the time. and when you are WRONG, just admit it! parents dont do it. :). i know. what ever it is.. i still love her a lot!! :D :D :D. Its weird, ain't it??
I am not exactly the type of person tht is close/ more like clings on to my mother or father, for a fact. NO, i am not the type that tells them what goes on in my life every second. i tell them....the important stuff that they need to know. And thts about it. ~full stop~. and i very much prefer it that way. Some may argue that your parents brought you up...so they deserve to know whats happening everysecond of your life and all. But in fact, dont you think that parents are the ones that nurtured you and so they know what values they have instilled in you, and soon, gain trust of your actions?
In a way, i would say that im just being scared that in case my parents criticise my judgement or my actions, i dont want to argue with them or reason out that decisions that i make have some sense in it. May be...may be thats what has been running through my mind. But yes. I am not a goody two shoes that does it all right. I do things wrongly. So let me fall...and wake up by myself. I am so used to doing it. I learn more from situations as such>:D
lastly....i'm hungry. :D i better have lunch!
from a hungry stomach of,
Kaveiinaa
~peace~ :P
Anyways, I hope my aunt returns my calls soon so tht i can know if i can work or not!!!
But again, i want to hang out with the girls on thursday! *sighs*
when you have nothing much to think, you mess your head up with nonsensical stuff.:)
I just hope all goes on well...
You know at times, when you feel so inferior of someone. you just dont have the confidence to approach and talk. you feel your life lagging behind you...
ok, this might sound like its a love story or something...ITS NOT!!!
hahaha....its when you have a mummy that says things which are not actually what you feel! grrr. annoying. i know you can read my mind. Some times. but not all the time. and when you are WRONG, just admit it! parents dont do it. :). i know. what ever it is.. i still love her a lot!! :D :D :D. Its weird, ain't it??
I am not exactly the type of person tht is close/ more like clings on to my mother or father, for a fact. NO, i am not the type that tells them what goes on in my life every second. i tell them....the important stuff that they need to know. And thts about it. ~full stop~. and i very much prefer it that way. Some may argue that your parents brought you up...so they deserve to know whats happening everysecond of your life and all. But in fact, dont you think that parents are the ones that nurtured you and so they know what values they have instilled in you, and soon, gain trust of your actions?
In a way, i would say that im just being scared that in case my parents criticise my judgement or my actions, i dont want to argue with them or reason out that decisions that i make have some sense in it. May be...may be thats what has been running through my mind. But yes. I am not a goody two shoes that does it all right. I do things wrongly. So let me fall...and wake up by myself. I am so used to doing it. I learn more from situations as such>:D
lastly....i'm hungry. :D i better have lunch!
from a hungry stomach of,
Kaveiinaa
~peace~ :P
Friday, February 5, 2010
Some poems that i love to read.
Ever heard of Radha Krishna, Or the story of the bakhti-filled mirabai??
well, here are some stuffs i copied from a website. :D
Devotion for Lord Krishna is equated with a huge range of emotions and states of mind - from eroticism and sensuality to renunciation and surrender. Complete immersion of one's soul in Krishna's soul, is regarded as the path to unadulterated devotion for Krishna. Radha and Mirabai are seen as the twin zeniths of devotion for Lord Krishna. Opposites in some sense and yet so much one in their love for the lord, the devotion of Mirabai and Radha for Krishna show the oneness of eroticism and renunciation, and finally, the convergence of both into the omnipresent soul of Krishna in the form of single-minded love and devotion.
Mirabai
Guide this little boat over the waters,
What can I give you for fare?Our mutable world holds nothing but grief,
bear me away from it.Eight bonds of karmahave gripped me,
the whole of creationswirls through eight million wombs,
through eight million birth-forms we flicker.
Mira cries. Dark One
take this little boat to the far shore,
put an end to coming and going.
The Dark One's love-stain is on her,
other ornaments Mira sees as mere glitter.
A mark on her forehead
,a bracelet, some prayer beads,
beyond that she wears only her conduct.
Make-up is worthless
when you've gotten truth from a teacher.
the Dark One has stained me with love,
and for that some revile me,others give honor
I simply wander the road of the sadhus
lost in my songs.
It is through love that she communes with God. "Mira's Lord is none other than Giridhara." (Giridhara being Krishna) - these are usually the ending words of Meera's poems which are predominantly an expression of her oneness with Krishna. Mira's love for Krishna is all-encompassing. The lord of her heart and soul, she used to weep for him and spend sleepless nights for a sight of him. Mirabai says she had "sold" herself - surrendered herself - completely to him. She says "I am colored with the color of dusk", dusk implying the color of Krishna. As if her love for Krishna permeated every pore of her body, just like dye permeates a garment.
This aspect of union through surrender is predominant in Mira's poetry.
For Mirabai, her freedom lay in her union with her lord. She sings:
"Love in which there is laughter and sobbing, Moaning, throbbing and clasping in tight embrace, That alone is liberation for me, I care for no other."
For Mirabai, her freedom lay in her union with her lord. She sings:
"Love in which there is laughter and sobbing, Moaning, throbbing and clasping in tight embrace, That alone is liberation for me, I care for no other."
Mirabai's background.
This great saint of Hinduism and one the greatest devotees of Krishna, Mirabai was born into the royal family of Rana Ratan Singh of Merta in Rajasthan in 1498 A.D. As a three-year old child she grew extremely fond of a statue of Lord Krishna. So much so that her mother had once jokingly remarked that Krishna would one day be the girl's (Mirabai's) groom. This remark made an indelible mark on the impressionable mind of the young child.
She nurtured the notion of Krishna being her sole lord, her lover, friend and husband as she matured into a woman. She agreed to her marriage to Rana Kumbha of Mewar in Rajasthan, against her heart's wishes, to honor her grandfather's promise to Rana Kumbha. In spite of her marriage, her heart still belonged to Lord Krishna and she spent a great deal of time in the Krishna temple at her husband's palace, albeit after fulfilling her household duties. Conspiracies were unfortunately hatched against her by several around her, to defame her, and eventually to kill her, but all of those could not deter her from her chosen path of devotion. Her husband however is seen to have been a sympathizer of Mirabai, till her death in 1546 A.D. According to other versions, though, it is believed that her husband died within ten years of their marriage.
She nurtured the notion of Krishna being her sole lord, her lover, friend and husband as she matured into a woman. She agreed to her marriage to Rana Kumbha of Mewar in Rajasthan, against her heart's wishes, to honor her grandfather's promise to Rana Kumbha. In spite of her marriage, her heart still belonged to Lord Krishna and she spent a great deal of time in the Krishna temple at her husband's palace, albeit after fulfilling her household duties. Conspiracies were unfortunately hatched against her by several around her, to defame her, and eventually to kill her, but all of those could not deter her from her chosen path of devotion. Her husband however is seen to have been a sympathizer of Mirabai, till her death in 1546 A.D. According to other versions, though, it is believed that her husband died within ten years of their marriage.
Such great was her devotion that it is believed that she merged with the lord in his temple at Dwarka in Gujarat. According to one version, she is believed to have entered the sanctum of the temple in a state of singing ecstacy. The sanctum doors are believed to have closed on their own and when later opened, the sari (garment) of Mirabai was seen enwrapped around the idol of lord Krishna.
At sunset, on the river bank, Krishna loved her for the last time and left...
That night in her husband's arms, Radha felt so dead that he asked, "What is wrong,
Do you mind my kisses, love?"
And she said, No, not at all, but thought,
What is It to the corpse if the maggots nip?
--Kamala Das, in "The Maggots"from "The Descendants"---
--Kamala Das, in "The Maggots"from "The Descendants"---
Punish me, lovely fool!
Bite me with your cruel teeth!
Chain me with your creeper arms!
Crush me with your hard breasts!
Angry goddess, don't weaken with joy!
Let Love's despised arrows Pierce me to sap my life's power!
-- Poet Jaidev in the Geet Govindam,portraying the words of Krishna for Radha ---
-- Poet Jaidev in the Geet Govindam,portraying the words of Krishna for Radha ---
Love in all its forms finds its epitome in the "dual-unity" of Lord Krishna and his beloved, Radha. Krishna is seen as the universal symbol of the lover and the ideal hero (nayak) while Radha as the universal symbol of the beloved and the ideal heroine (nayika). As lovers, their divine love-play encompassed a whole range of variations. It is as if all lovers in the universe can find some part of themselves reflected in the love of Radha and Krishna.
Such is the charisma of the love-lore of Radha and Krishna, such is its vastness spread over a million emotions, and such is its brilliance, that the name of their love and them as lovers has become a sanctifying force for all contact between the sexes, sometimes also a cover for human prurience.
Radha's background.
The daughter of a cowherd-leader, Vrishabhanu and his wife, Kamalavati, Radha was born in Barshana, a village near Vrindavan, which was the childhood home of Krishna. She was married off to a man known by the name of Ayan. She however, could never love her husband because her heart belonged to Krishna. The nature of her illicit and adulterous affair with Krishna though might seem to be for her own-selfish interests, in her union with Krishna, against the norms of family, society, and even religion, she gives an example of how to give everything up for God. For it was God who also loved Radha - her selfishness actually being selflessness, the real truth behind the Raas Leela - the love play of Radha and Krishna.
Krishna, even as a child, used to be a favorite of womenfolk of Vrindaban, his childhood home. As he grew up, his aggressive and yet attractive behavior with the strong but transparent sexual overtones were secretly approved of by females. As a lover, he turned out to be an ideal for each woman who experienced his love. During his love sessions with the Gopis (female companions of Krishna) he was careful and dexterous enough to create a divine illusion of being individually available to each of the Gopis. He was a perfect partner in lovemaking - both untiring and accomplished. But his mastery over love was capped by his treating women as partners in love rather than sex objects, by his experiencing the same suffering of separation and longing as was experienced by his lovers.
It was this heroic lover - a perfect lover for many - whose heart was captured by Radha. Radha - who turned out to be the special companion for Krishna - for whom Krishna longed - but not only for her body and mind but also her soul - wherein lies the divinity of Radha's love for Krishna.
Radha had, on the orders of Nanda, Krishna's foster father and leader of the cowherds, escorted Krishna through the forest each evening. However, on the way in a grove, Krishna and Radha played out their secret passion. Krishna, however is unfaithful to Radha as he indulges in his romances with several other Gopis, while Radha's thoughts rest solely on Krishna. Radha is jealous as she imagines the "vines of his great throbbing arms circle a thousand gopis". More importantly, she experiences, the turmoil in emotions of a proud, passionate woman who feels deserted by her lover. She yearns for Krishna and this draws Krishna's thoughts to Radha's.
Krishna's heart, which had always reached out to many Gopis, pleasuring all and loving all, felt a unique tug towards this unique woman - Radha. Radha became the focus of Krishna's heart's desires - an irreplaceable lover whose power of pulling Krishna to herself, could not be any longer ignored by Krishna. Radha made Krishna repent for his straying ways and when Krishna could finally take no more, she relented.
As Jaidev writes so beautifully in the Geet Govindam about this sequence:
"Paint a leaf on my breasts!
Put colour on my cheeks!
Lay a girdle on my hips!
Twine my heavy braid with flowers!
Fix rows of bangles on my hands, And jewelled anklets on my feet!"
Her yellow-robed lover Did what Radha said.
Conclusion
Lord Krishna's mystique has created an aura around him in Hindu Mythology. The equation that the feminine gender shares with him is unique in the Hindu religion. In spite of being Narayana himself (one of the trinity of supreme Gods in Hindu religion) his personality is that which humans can identify with. He is a God and yet loves passionately and indulges in love-relationships which do not conform to the conventional societal and religious standards that "good" beings are believed to work within. He is all-powerful yet surrenders to his greatest lovers. He is the highest deity and yet he worships all those whose devotion for Krishna envelopes their very soul.
It is this Lord Krishna, to whom so many have dedicated their souls to. Devotion and love for Lord Krishna has been the sole purpose of their existence. But for a few of those, their existence itself had become synonymous with love for Krishna. Their love for Krishna shone in brilliance which was as brilliant as the aura of Krishna himself. Radha and Meerabai were two such devotees, whose love for Krishna reached a pinnacle of devotion, where their identities merged into Krishna's. And in spite of the same love for the same lord, Meerabai differed from Radha in soul and mind.
In the morning.
I woke up in the morning....wt the faint sound of amma saying..."kaveiinaa wake up". i just said..okok. woke up redy. Found it hard to open my eyes coz it was swollen like some bee stung it.
weird??
i know. i was wondering why myself. and then i realised my whole cheeks were wet. So was my pillow. For a moment i thought i pee'd on my bed. but doesnt make sense right. I dont have a bladder anywhere near my face. So i concluded that i cried. sighs. why? dont ask.
I'm keeping my emotions under control. Can u actually cry for no blady reason? Or am i living in denial of the reason i actually cried? I'm hard-headed.a snob. a talkative pig. Yes all of it. I dont look like what i am upfront. and yes, i am fragile, although i dont admit it. i still dont, btw.
i woke up and went downstairs. Saw the two bottle of perfumes and thought...."ah, such sweet things". It was my first bottle of perfumes i got for MYSELF. lol. Eya is gonna spray it, i know. :D Nevertheless, the gift was still for me. I thank the person for his company and gifts and owh, the ghostie, for its superb atmosphere. lol.
Operate at your heart level and not your head level. There is a difference. I am yet to know it all. But i am not gonna let my emotions influence my intelectual capacity or my ability to think wisely. Wisdom comes with experience. and i have yet to gained it. But there is a question lingering on my mind right now.... Can you actually decide your destiny? Are you the one who decides your future? Coz there is a saying that goes, What man cenceives and believes in, he can acheive it. So can i? Or is there an external power called fate where our whole life is written in a diary up there?
If there is,? then why do they say work hard to acheive your success. In that sense, doesnt it mean that we actually decide our destiny, as the saying goes? I think we do. No matter what is written up there for us, true we cant change it. But at times, we cant rely on the four words, F>A>T>E. Not gonna work coz life is measured from how hard or how smart u work your way through it. So doesnt this saying apply for ALL aspects of our lives?
from the pondering mind of,
Kaveiinaa
weird??
i know. i was wondering why myself. and then i realised my whole cheeks were wet. So was my pillow. For a moment i thought i pee'd on my bed. but doesnt make sense right. I dont have a bladder anywhere near my face. So i concluded that i cried. sighs. why? dont ask.
I'm keeping my emotions under control. Can u actually cry for no blady reason? Or am i living in denial of the reason i actually cried? I'm hard-headed.a snob. a talkative pig. Yes all of it. I dont look like what i am upfront. and yes, i am fragile, although i dont admit it. i still dont, btw.
i woke up and went downstairs. Saw the two bottle of perfumes and thought...."ah, such sweet things". It was my first bottle of perfumes i got for MYSELF. lol. Eya is gonna spray it, i know. :D Nevertheless, the gift was still for me. I thank the person for his company and gifts and owh, the ghostie, for its superb atmosphere. lol.
Operate at your heart level and not your head level. There is a difference. I am yet to know it all. But i am not gonna let my emotions influence my intelectual capacity or my ability to think wisely. Wisdom comes with experience. and i have yet to gained it. But there is a question lingering on my mind right now.... Can you actually decide your destiny? Are you the one who decides your future? Coz there is a saying that goes, What man cenceives and believes in, he can acheive it. So can i? Or is there an external power called fate where our whole life is written in a diary up there?
If there is,? then why do they say work hard to acheive your success. In that sense, doesnt it mean that we actually decide our destiny, as the saying goes? I think we do. No matter what is written up there for us, true we cant change it. But at times, we cant rely on the four words, F>A>T>E. Not gonna work coz life is measured from how hard or how smart u work your way through it. So doesnt this saying apply for ALL aspects of our lives?
from the pondering mind of,
Kaveiinaa
A day out.
So here i am. sitting down with a sored leg. *sighs*. i blame it all upon my laziness of not dancing. But i really have to keep up with dance coz its killing the crap outta me.
I went out with Richard and his whole geng today. They were a great, fun bunch to be with. Everyone was so tired coz they were playing badminton for a tournament tmr. but overall they were really nice!!!:D
I came back home late. Nearly 8 i reached home. Amma wasnt pissed or anything. She was fine and jolly. Just tht she got her food really late. thats all.
But i was just wondering. WHen will a day come...where i dont need tot ell lies anymore. When will a day come where i can just go out with richard aithout having to tell amma that it was someone else. I need to have the courage in me to tell. Yet i cant find it. It just seems so lost...somewhere in my soul. Maybe its coz the way i met him...through the net. and amma isnt really open minded, or maybe i just dont know her. Maybe its just a mothers instinct to be protective. Nonetheless, i still am scared of what her reaction might be. He isnt anything more than a really close and like my best friend right now. Atleast thats where it stands right now. But im scared to tell it out. Maybe if i can find the courage to introduce him as a friend first, then things would go on smoothly. I dont wanna continue this lie. I dont wanna break anyone's trust. I know my limits and wether i do something is right or wrong. I hope i dont get caught in my own web of lies. I really do. I want this to end fast. Let the truth prevail. It seems like its never gonna come. I pray, that it will. Soon.
From a confused girl.
I went out with Richard and his whole geng today. They were a great, fun bunch to be with. Everyone was so tired coz they were playing badminton for a tournament tmr. but overall they were really nice!!!:D
I came back home late. Nearly 8 i reached home. Amma wasnt pissed or anything. She was fine and jolly. Just tht she got her food really late. thats all.
But i was just wondering. WHen will a day come...where i dont need tot ell lies anymore. When will a day come where i can just go out with richard aithout having to tell amma that it was someone else. I need to have the courage in me to tell. Yet i cant find it. It just seems so lost...somewhere in my soul. Maybe its coz the way i met him...through the net. and amma isnt really open minded, or maybe i just dont know her. Maybe its just a mothers instinct to be protective. Nonetheless, i still am scared of what her reaction might be. He isnt anything more than a really close and like my best friend right now. Atleast thats where it stands right now. But im scared to tell it out. Maybe if i can find the courage to introduce him as a friend first, then things would go on smoothly. I dont wanna continue this lie. I dont wanna break anyone's trust. I know my limits and wether i do something is right or wrong. I hope i dont get caught in my own web of lies. I really do. I want this to end fast. Let the truth prevail. It seems like its never gonna come. I pray, that it will. Soon.
From a confused girl.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
A little Updating
Haloo!!! i'm back again.:D
there has been too many things thats been going on.
1stly, I got my A lvl results. much as how i expected it to be.
2ndly i got the Sime Darby Scholarship.
3rdly Ive started dance class.
4thly i passed my driving test.
Over all. Lifes been excetionally good.
1. results. You should have seen how we girls were shivering at 1 am in the morning thinking tht the reults were gonna be out then. actually, it was 1 am-UK time. sighs. So all went back to slp. i woke up at 9 to check. Only managed to get in at 10 am. So i got 4 a 1B. Good enough fo rme. As long as i fulfil the conditional requirements.:D
2. Scholarship. I didnt think that i would get it as people usually say u need to apply for more before you even get chosen and etc. But i did get it. I'm going to Aus, Uni of New South Wales. I guess i better start eating all i can now...coz the food there is really exspensive.:D Nonetheless, i know i will be missing home loadzz.
3.Dance class. OWH!!!! somethig tht i really freaking effin' miss!!! i went back but i sort of lagged. Prolly coz a year i didnt dance and all. I dont have my stamina yet and i'm sort of catching up late. So i will try my best. BEsides....its my time to show what i can do best. there will be 2 shows in March and two in April. I wanna do it all!. Also, i might be still dancing in Aus.IF all is well and i find a teacher near my place...i will definately go.! :D It would be a good change of environment to be exsposed to a new teacher. :D :D. iw ill be missing master and the other dance mates though.
4. Driving. Well i passed. But a little confusion. The first time i drove the Myvi,...i was a little scared. DUH! its AUTO and much bigger than a kancil!!!! So i was a little slow and scared. Acha wanted to send me for extra classes. But instead, now...amma has taken me to drive almost everywhere. Well, to town ni actually. Atleast im getting exsposed tot he highways...jammed areas and etc. So i guess i'm geting more confident with the car. :D : D: D
Thts all now. I better rush. Coz i have some hsework to be done and i will be going out with Richard in like... AN HOUR! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! i havent even had my bath. kk. CHAO!
wriiten by
sleepy, stinky kave. :D
there has been too many things thats been going on.
1stly, I got my A lvl results. much as how i expected it to be.
2ndly i got the Sime Darby Scholarship.
3rdly Ive started dance class.
4thly i passed my driving test.
Over all. Lifes been excetionally good.
1. results. You should have seen how we girls were shivering at 1 am in the morning thinking tht the reults were gonna be out then. actually, it was 1 am-UK time. sighs. So all went back to slp. i woke up at 9 to check. Only managed to get in at 10 am. So i got 4 a 1B. Good enough fo rme. As long as i fulfil the conditional requirements.:D
2. Scholarship. I didnt think that i would get it as people usually say u need to apply for more before you even get chosen and etc. But i did get it. I'm going to Aus, Uni of New South Wales. I guess i better start eating all i can now...coz the food there is really exspensive.:D Nonetheless, i know i will be missing home loadzz.
3.Dance class. OWH!!!! somethig tht i really freaking effin' miss!!! i went back but i sort of lagged. Prolly coz a year i didnt dance and all. I dont have my stamina yet and i'm sort of catching up late. So i will try my best. BEsides....its my time to show what i can do best. there will be 2 shows in March and two in April. I wanna do it all!. Also, i might be still dancing in Aus.IF all is well and i find a teacher near my place...i will definately go.! :D It would be a good change of environment to be exsposed to a new teacher. :D :D. iw ill be missing master and the other dance mates though.
4. Driving. Well i passed. But a little confusion. The first time i drove the Myvi,...i was a little scared. DUH! its AUTO and much bigger than a kancil!!!! So i was a little slow and scared. Acha wanted to send me for extra classes. But instead, now...amma has taken me to drive almost everywhere. Well, to town ni actually. Atleast im getting exsposed tot he highways...jammed areas and etc. So i guess i'm geting more confident with the car. :D : D: D
Thts all now. I better rush. Coz i have some hsework to be done and i will be going out with Richard in like... AN HOUR! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! i havent even had my bath. kk. CHAO!
wriiten by
sleepy, stinky kave. :D
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
The Bachelor and Spinster Ball
Well, i was reading this book that my sister got as a Christmas Book. Quite nice. Smooth and not overly hyped. the story is very much based in Australia i guess. So its about farms and bush fires and love. Its sweet to read. and have some nice lyrics in it. apparently one or two of the characters are singers. as their character, of course!. So here it goes.
Tell me Cinderella,
Why wont you try the slipper?
It lies there at your feet; yet you turn away.
You were Sleeping Beauty
And i woke you with a kiss,
But my dream is not your fairytale.
Tell me Cinderella,
Why wont you try the slipper?
It lies there at your feet; yet you turn away.
You were Sleeping Beauty
And i woke you with a kiss,
But my dream is not your fairytale.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
When i dont have my heart and right hand.
the tittle sounds a little odd i know.hehe. a figurative meaning hidden undrneath it.
anyways.. i left for KL on fiday at 10.00. super good double decker bus. as usual a little jakun because i've never been in a double decker bus before. hehehe. but the bus was SUPER SLOW! i was getting annoyed. i missed my lunch!
Landed in KL safely....met up with cherima. as USUAL BRICKFIELDS! what else! hahaha.... headed to her aprtment. and went down for lunch....where i came out after eating with swollen, red lips. the curry was SUPER HOT! oh, well, i enjoyed it. lalalala~
then we decided to do some WINDOW SHOPPING or so, as my aunt says it.... we were walking off midvalley till i thought i could be robotic walking at the same speed moving each leg at the same distance...hehehe...
the next day, after some MAJOR CONFUSION on whose car to go in, we headed to KUALA SELANGOR for my uncles so-called-suprise birthday party!!. It was in an estate with oil palms all around and super curvy/bumpy roads. and guess what? ITS SIME DARBY! lol. cacat. i know. ...
well....we reached kuala selangor early enough to help with the last minute preparations. my maternal site cousins are very BIG EATERS. ooooh well... the food spread was WIDE! hehe... we had barbequed chicken, prawns and squids. then another weird yet interesting stuff was barbequed brinjals... the stuffings for the brinjal was coked. then the brinjal+stuffings were barbequed with cheese as the toppings. YUMMY i should say. we had mee and gadoh gadoh... some idli sambar and thosai. then bubur chacha. ooohhhh....i couldnt forget the creamy mashed potatoes and the PORK VINDALOO! One of my aunts said that in the olden times, the pork used to be cooked underground where it would be buried and all. now, what has been done is that, they let the pork cook under heavy/thick masala under low fire. FREAKING TASTY....but not at all healthy!HEHEHE
the last but not least... CRAB!!!!! hehe.. one of the fisherman, gave my uncle, two live crabs, wrapped up....for his bday...he opened it and got a shock of his life THEN AND THERE! LOL. the crabs, wt no salt/ marination were put on the barbeque grills. and were FANTASTIC! natural sweetness and saltyness... YUMMMMYYYY~
thats all about the food. lol. then we headed back to KL that night...stayed in another aunts house. that was the night i really missed all my goodnight messages.... stayed up awake for a while before drifting to lalaland. hehehe. i was more than excited to come back the next day.
:D i had also received a good news that i have been selected for the SIME DARBY FINAL INTERVIEW this wednesday. scary....and eerie...
As such, i really wanted to see guru before going. Its been six months since i saw him. i kept my fingers crossed, hoping that acha wouldnt say anything...and was jumping with joy when my bus reached JB earlier than expected.wohoooo~
i gave a sharing in centre. i wanted to, especially on that day, yesterday. because its been nearly two years since i joined the course and got initiated. I have seen myself transforming.....becoming more disciplined and matured,...keeping my priorities right and finding my path in life. More humble...and i have more control over my feelings. Besides, i have also finished a major section/part of my life! my A LEVELS!. Acheving a little less than my target, i do know that i have had nothing to lose.:)
Finally saw HIM! spoke to HIM! about the interview, where im going and all... remind you this was already at 1.30 am. i was dozzing off infront of his room. hahaha. but it was all worhtit! just to see and get his blessings.:D
oh well that was how the day ended.
i have to travel up to KL tomorrow. Hopefully acha would be driving. and i would come back to JB on wednesday itself. Thursday is my JPJ test. SCREW IT i know! i hope i SERIOUSLY WONT. and then saturday is kimmie's bday.....and also Sham's drama in JOTIC. amma is tagging along.*winks* hopefully i get a chance to intro "some people". :D
sunday we are all supposed to go out. and hang arnd.i dunno if i am going or not. i hope its all ok. coz monday is our results. i hope the next two weeks go on well. coz i really need those angel wings around me for the next two weeks.:D
anyways.. i left for KL on fiday at 10.00. super good double decker bus. as usual a little jakun because i've never been in a double decker bus before. hehehe. but the bus was SUPER SLOW! i was getting annoyed. i missed my lunch!
Landed in KL safely....met up with cherima. as USUAL BRICKFIELDS! what else! hahaha.... headed to her aprtment. and went down for lunch....where i came out after eating with swollen, red lips. the curry was SUPER HOT! oh, well, i enjoyed it. lalalala~
then we decided to do some WINDOW SHOPPING or so, as my aunt says it.... we were walking off midvalley till i thought i could be robotic walking at the same speed moving each leg at the same distance...hehehe...
the next day, after some MAJOR CONFUSION on whose car to go in, we headed to KUALA SELANGOR for my uncles so-called-suprise birthday party!!. It was in an estate with oil palms all around and super curvy/bumpy roads. and guess what? ITS SIME DARBY! lol. cacat. i know. ...
well....we reached kuala selangor early enough to help with the last minute preparations. my maternal site cousins are very BIG EATERS. ooooh well... the food spread was WIDE! hehe... we had barbequed chicken, prawns and squids. then another weird yet interesting stuff was barbequed brinjals... the stuffings for the brinjal was coked. then the brinjal+stuffings were barbequed with cheese as the toppings. YUMMY i should say. we had mee and gadoh gadoh... some idli sambar and thosai. then bubur chacha. ooohhhh....i couldnt forget the creamy mashed potatoes and the PORK VINDALOO! One of my aunts said that in the olden times, the pork used to be cooked underground where it would be buried and all. now, what has been done is that, they let the pork cook under heavy/thick masala under low fire. FREAKING TASTY....but not at all healthy!HEHEHE
the last but not least... CRAB!!!!! hehe.. one of the fisherman, gave my uncle, two live crabs, wrapped up....for his bday...he opened it and got a shock of his life THEN AND THERE! LOL. the crabs, wt no salt/ marination were put on the barbeque grills. and were FANTASTIC! natural sweetness and saltyness... YUMMMMYYYY~
thats all about the food. lol. then we headed back to KL that night...stayed in another aunts house. that was the night i really missed all my goodnight messages.... stayed up awake for a while before drifting to lalaland. hehehe. i was more than excited to come back the next day.
:D i had also received a good news that i have been selected for the SIME DARBY FINAL INTERVIEW this wednesday. scary....and eerie...
As such, i really wanted to see guru before going. Its been six months since i saw him. i kept my fingers crossed, hoping that acha wouldnt say anything...and was jumping with joy when my bus reached JB earlier than expected.wohoooo~
i gave a sharing in centre. i wanted to, especially on that day, yesterday. because its been nearly two years since i joined the course and got initiated. I have seen myself transforming.....becoming more disciplined and matured,...keeping my priorities right and finding my path in life. More humble...and i have more control over my feelings. Besides, i have also finished a major section/part of my life! my A LEVELS!. Acheving a little less than my target, i do know that i have had nothing to lose.:)
Finally saw HIM! spoke to HIM! about the interview, where im going and all... remind you this was already at 1.30 am. i was dozzing off infront of his room. hahaha. but it was all worhtit! just to see and get his blessings.:D
oh well that was how the day ended.
i have to travel up to KL tomorrow. Hopefully acha would be driving. and i would come back to JB on wednesday itself. Thursday is my JPJ test. SCREW IT i know! i hope i SERIOUSLY WONT. and then saturday is kimmie's bday.....and also Sham's drama in JOTIC. amma is tagging along.*winks* hopefully i get a chance to intro "some people". :D
sunday we are all supposed to go out. and hang arnd.i dunno if i am going or not. i hope its all ok. coz monday is our results. i hope the next two weeks go on well. coz i really need those angel wings around me for the next two weeks.:D
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
12/01/2010
I am so not used to typing 2010! ODD! its a new year already...
feels like ive been lazing around...lalala~
technically i have!...
It was an awesome day, i had to agree. woke up at 6.30 to catch the school bus.*not so awesome* coz i slept late.hehe. had a hard time putting the contact lens into my already-swollen-eyes! but oh well....it was fun in the bus. loved every moment of it. It was as though time just wasnt enough. i met up with Tania and regina....also saw some of the Jan 09 girls. :D soon, mimie came...its been a long time since i seen her. missed her like nuts!
then esh came...and practically flew and flung herself onto mimi. hahaha....across the courtyard somemore. It was a blissful moment indeed. the rest of the geng joined soon.... kimmie, nesha and olive...ah! i miss them soso..much! we went for lunch with miss meera at Bharat!:D hahaha...
I as usual, never change in successfully annoying her on CONVENT and SIGS. so does she! :P
Well, college was doing amazingly fine, i found it a little dusty though...met Ms Hong, Mr Kow, and Mr Ng!!!! so fun to talk to them back again....these are some of the people who have laid the basic, educational foundation in my life, for me. And i thank them for being patient and wise in dealing with me. the first floor of college was tile up. Computer lab was the same, except quiter.. i also heard that Ms Sham had left college, and has started her own bussiness. Good luck to her! and whoever who is under her.;) the canteen, as usual...renewated a little, but the variety of food was decreasing slowly, or so i heard. i couldnt see mickey though. besides tht, college was the same... with a few new faces.:)
After having a heartfull, suprisingly vegetarian lunch with Ms meera, we left and headed for JUSCO! a little walking...NO A LOT WALKING.....!!! we had to find gifts for 3 babies, mimi, esh and nesha....:D all was fine...we bought them some very lovely stuffs! :D enjoyed the day chit-chatting and walking.....Ming wei joined us soon after...:D sweet as usual....we headed to lavender..... tania and thiya came along giving us a SHOCK! thiya lost so much of weight, but claims tht he only looks thin...in reality, he didnt loose anything. he asked me to follow a diet plan..but it sounds weird...and i think it only works for men. not my body!!! lol. well...lavender was ok...we paid for mingwei's food.:D thiya ate..like....THREE PLATES OF FOOD! nesha was going like....OMG... mimi was smirking...i want his bodyyyy!!!! WHY AM I NOT A GUY? lol. and so much more like tht. OLIVE as usual....a LITTLE confusing...hahaha...oooh! i entered her car....her driving is okla..a little gabra..thts all.:D i dun dare say much about driving..i have my fair share of ebents on tht topic.:D
That was about it in jusco.*hugssss* and esh, mimi and I left for CS. :D met up with shateesh and his cousin whose name i dun actually remember. A very quiet guy though... and there we were...waiting at KENNY ROGERS for Rich, and sham. they brought along Vini and a friend named jessica.:D Vini was herself...soon there were two sides..one rich and his friends talking along..the other mimi screaming at shateesh. LOL. i was in the MIDDLE! Rich wore a blue jippa. i seriously didnt think he was going to wear tit, although he asked if he should. he looked nice though.:D. they were hapily feeding each other and snapping pictures of people eating... INCLUDING ME! lol. we had to hold Sham down like a baby to make him eat.haha! some nice shots were taken. LOL. i managed to hit Rich...wasnt tht hard though. HAIHX. i shall make it harder next time.:P.
It was nice to see him and his friends..the only ones that were missing was Janu and Spark, although i did talk to Spark on the fon. haha. 'lightbulb?' im gonna kill u RICH!
So that was it...Shateesh drove me back. And i indeed did have a 'JOYFUL RIDE' back home.
oh what a day...but i was dead tired..i could hardly keep my eyes open. too sleepy. i couldnt even type a goodnight message for curly hair.:D haihx... woke up in the morning with some wonderful messages on my phone.
i love my babies LOADS!...gonna miss these crazy moments. i will treasure them for a lifetime. :D.
feels like ive been lazing around...lalala~
technically i have!...
It was an awesome day, i had to agree. woke up at 6.30 to catch the school bus.*not so awesome* coz i slept late.hehe. had a hard time putting the contact lens into my already-swollen-eyes! but oh well....it was fun in the bus. loved every moment of it. It was as though time just wasnt enough. i met up with Tania and regina....also saw some of the Jan 09 girls. :D soon, mimie came...its been a long time since i seen her. missed her like nuts!
then esh came...and practically flew and flung herself onto mimi. hahaha....across the courtyard somemore. It was a blissful moment indeed. the rest of the geng joined soon.... kimmie, nesha and olive...ah! i miss them soso..much! we went for lunch with miss meera at Bharat!:D hahaha...
I as usual, never change in successfully annoying her on CONVENT and SIGS. so does she! :P
Well, college was doing amazingly fine, i found it a little dusty though...met Ms Hong, Mr Kow, and Mr Ng!!!! so fun to talk to them back again....these are some of the people who have laid the basic, educational foundation in my life, for me. And i thank them for being patient and wise in dealing with me. the first floor of college was tile up. Computer lab was the same, except quiter.. i also heard that Ms Sham had left college, and has started her own bussiness. Good luck to her! and whoever who is under her.;) the canteen, as usual...renewated a little, but the variety of food was decreasing slowly, or so i heard. i couldnt see mickey though. besides tht, college was the same... with a few new faces.:)
After having a heartfull, suprisingly vegetarian lunch with Ms meera, we left and headed for JUSCO! a little walking...NO A LOT WALKING.....!!! we had to find gifts for 3 babies, mimi, esh and nesha....:D all was fine...we bought them some very lovely stuffs! :D enjoyed the day chit-chatting and walking.....Ming wei joined us soon after...:D sweet as usual....we headed to lavender..... tania and thiya came along giving us a SHOCK! thiya lost so much of weight, but claims tht he only looks thin...in reality, he didnt loose anything. he asked me to follow a diet plan..but it sounds weird...and i think it only works for men. not my body!!! lol. well...lavender was ok...we paid for mingwei's food.:D thiya ate..like....THREE PLATES OF FOOD! nesha was going like....OMG... mimi was smirking...i want his bodyyyy!!!! WHY AM I NOT A GUY? lol. and so much more like tht. OLIVE as usual....a LITTLE confusing...hahaha...oooh! i entered her car....her driving is okla..a little gabra..thts all.:D i dun dare say much about driving..i have my fair share of ebents on tht topic.:D
That was about it in jusco.*hugssss* and esh, mimi and I left for CS. :D met up with shateesh and his cousin whose name i dun actually remember. A very quiet guy though... and there we were...waiting at KENNY ROGERS for Rich, and sham. they brought along Vini and a friend named jessica.:D Vini was herself...soon there were two sides..one rich and his friends talking along..the other mimi screaming at shateesh. LOL. i was in the MIDDLE! Rich wore a blue jippa. i seriously didnt think he was going to wear tit, although he asked if he should. he looked nice though.:D. they were hapily feeding each other and snapping pictures of people eating... INCLUDING ME! lol. we had to hold Sham down like a baby to make him eat.haha! some nice shots were taken. LOL. i managed to hit Rich...wasnt tht hard though. HAIHX. i shall make it harder next time.:P.
It was nice to see him and his friends..the only ones that were missing was Janu and Spark, although i did talk to Spark on the fon. haha. 'lightbulb?' im gonna kill u RICH!
So that was it...Shateesh drove me back. And i indeed did have a 'JOYFUL RIDE' back home.
oh what a day...but i was dead tired..i could hardly keep my eyes open. too sleepy. i couldnt even type a goodnight message for curly hair.:D haihx... woke up in the morning with some wonderful messages on my phone.
i love my babies LOADS!...gonna miss these crazy moments. i will treasure them for a lifetime. :D.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
blergh!
It hasnt been a bad day after all.
lets see....
woke up late. got a message from my driving instructor telling that he is coming in half an hours time.
lalala. fell asleep back again. woke up...screaming. OMG!!!!
got ready fro driving. nearly lost my life banging into a treler.
i came back home and saw my phone. "i'm late for class" i was feeling super duper muferly guilty! *does that word exist*?
I STILL AM FEELING GUILTY! coz i made someone talk to me till so late at night and tht person woke up late for class. :(.
and then i swept the hse....hanged out the clothes. had my lunch~ is this really necessary?
my couch was gleaming at me
from ear to ear
i just had to go sleep in it. hehehe.
woke up....mummy was back...and i slept again. :D
at around 7, i prepared dinner! err...salmon was a little raw. i told mummy take it as sushi!:p
thats it for the day! pathetic aint it! i know.
hmm....hui lins mum passed away on saturday night. and tommorrow is the funeral. i dunno if i can go.:( i dont have transport.:( sad sad.
lets see....
woke up late. got a message from my driving instructor telling that he is coming in half an hours time.
lalala. fell asleep back again. woke up...screaming. OMG!!!!
got ready fro driving. nearly lost my life banging into a treler.
i came back home and saw my phone. "i'm late for class" i was feeling super duper muferly guilty! *does that word exist*?
I STILL AM FEELING GUILTY! coz i made someone talk to me till so late at night and tht person woke up late for class. :(.
and then i swept the hse....hanged out the clothes. had my lunch~ is this really necessary?
my couch was gleaming at me
from ear to ear
i just had to go sleep in it. hehehe.
woke up....mummy was back...and i slept again. :D
at around 7, i prepared dinner! err...salmon was a little raw. i told mummy take it as sushi!:p
thats it for the day! pathetic aint it! i know.
hmm....hui lins mum passed away on saturday night. and tommorrow is the funeral. i dunno if i can go.:( i dont have transport.:( sad sad.
Monday, January 4, 2010
A shitty year that ended perfectly. Welcome 2010!
lalala....2009 has ended. i decided to write my first blog, out of sheer boredom, pityful, aint it?...and also because this is the first day of college. and im missing it! i wish i could bunk in someone's class and feel the stress again!
ok...lets see how the year started. 2009- i thought was gonna be like some crappy shit in a pothole.! after a year of enjoying and lazing around, it was finally time to get serious, or so i thought. Sunway was the crappiest college in the world....this thought was running throught my head. at the beginning of the year. oh well, i beg to differ at my current situation. :).
kayh lets see.... Maths was getting hard. but still manageable in the beginning of the year. bio was.....err...ok i guess..i was taking it lightly. chem was going on like normal. and econs was pure heaven. as always it is. i emna it literally. then came GP- damn! they dropped a bomb and pushed us to work harder. we kicked our arses for tht subject.:) all wells ends well. i got results, tht seemed ok to me, although i knew i dissapointed some.:(.
and then...i started realising how close i became to some ppl tht mean the most to me know. i came to realise the sesnse of belonging to my family. and the attachment to my friends. the kind, i never really felt before. not during my SIGS days. mimi, ain, sheev, nesha, kimmie, olive and esh. u guys do mean a lot to me. and yopou know it. thanks for being there all along, kicking some sense into my head,during the times i needed me most. grasping me from falling down. it sometimes, came to a point where mimi was even ready to slap me a hundred times and yell at me. YAAAHHHH!!!.
ive been ignorent and hard headed in many ways. i led a blooming club towards its downfall. some say it isnt my fault. still, i should take the blame for not sticking it up together. thts one thing i gave up on, half way down the road. i enjoyed the club days, though it was tiring. things started out perfectly right and became too pushy. LDDSS, was a hard thing to build. i thank all my friends and lecturers for putting up with me and my pranks.
oh well, i adore all my lecturers in college. Although some were a little pushy,in the club and all, but i managed to prove them i was right. we were right! but it didnt end up in a win-win situation. i never gave up. i should have given in and followed their directions. To top it all, the relationship wt our juniors were turning sour. haihx
then came this guy, in the beginning of the year. he seemed nice and deemed perfect, but i judged all wrongly. i took many wrong steps. and felt shameful and hurt. ah, its a lesson i learn now.
then we sat for A2. shitty fied as hell. we fell backwards, broke down and gave up on everything. tht hard it was. i was like. ' ah, go to hell, screw this!'
then, towards the end of the year, things started changing. i started appreciating my friends more. they are the ones that would last me a lifetime, i know!. i love them for who they are. my crazy babies. i also realised tht life isnt all about looking downwards and saying, damn! im so far down, gosh, scary! its about looking up and saying....i can do it! its a long way but im gonna push myself up there. im starting to love my family. ive realised tht wtout them i wouldnt be here. i'm trying to accept some for who they are. i love eya more and more each day.
i try not to regret what ive done. i take it all as lessons of my life. I have chosen the path and made mistakes. turned arounds and said, oh crap! thts how it has been. but of all, im starting to see my life in a much braoder prespective. nothing comes easily. you just gotta work for what you want in life. thts all. its all laid in front of you. yes, sometimes it is unfair. :)
So thats how it has been... till the end of the year...an angel came and touched me with its wings, i hang my head down in shame, looking at its perfection. :)
ok...lets see how the year started. 2009- i thought was gonna be like some crappy shit in a pothole.! after a year of enjoying and lazing around, it was finally time to get serious, or so i thought. Sunway was the crappiest college in the world....this thought was running throught my head. at the beginning of the year. oh well, i beg to differ at my current situation. :).
kayh lets see.... Maths was getting hard. but still manageable in the beginning of the year. bio was.....err...ok i guess..i was taking it lightly. chem was going on like normal. and econs was pure heaven. as always it is. i emna it literally. then came GP- damn! they dropped a bomb and pushed us to work harder. we kicked our arses for tht subject.:) all wells ends well. i got results, tht seemed ok to me, although i knew i dissapointed some.:(.
and then...i started realising how close i became to some ppl tht mean the most to me know. i came to realise the sesnse of belonging to my family. and the attachment to my friends. the kind, i never really felt before. not during my SIGS days. mimi, ain, sheev, nesha, kimmie, olive and esh. u guys do mean a lot to me. and yopou know it. thanks for being there all along, kicking some sense into my head,during the times i needed me most. grasping me from falling down. it sometimes, came to a point where mimi was even ready to slap me a hundred times and yell at me. YAAAHHHH!!!.
ive been ignorent and hard headed in many ways. i led a blooming club towards its downfall. some say it isnt my fault. still, i should take the blame for not sticking it up together. thts one thing i gave up on, half way down the road. i enjoyed the club days, though it was tiring. things started out perfectly right and became too pushy. LDDSS, was a hard thing to build. i thank all my friends and lecturers for putting up with me and my pranks.
oh well, i adore all my lecturers in college. Although some were a little pushy,in the club and all, but i managed to prove them i was right. we were right! but it didnt end up in a win-win situation. i never gave up. i should have given in and followed their directions. To top it all, the relationship wt our juniors were turning sour. haihx
then came this guy, in the beginning of the year. he seemed nice and deemed perfect, but i judged all wrongly. i took many wrong steps. and felt shameful and hurt. ah, its a lesson i learn now.
then we sat for A2. shitty fied as hell. we fell backwards, broke down and gave up on everything. tht hard it was. i was like. ' ah, go to hell, screw this!'
then, towards the end of the year, things started changing. i started appreciating my friends more. they are the ones that would last me a lifetime, i know!. i love them for who they are. my crazy babies. i also realised tht life isnt all about looking downwards and saying, damn! im so far down, gosh, scary! its about looking up and saying....i can do it! its a long way but im gonna push myself up there. im starting to love my family. ive realised tht wtout them i wouldnt be here. i'm trying to accept some for who they are. i love eya more and more each day.
i try not to regret what ive done. i take it all as lessons of my life. I have chosen the path and made mistakes. turned arounds and said, oh crap! thts how it has been. but of all, im starting to see my life in a much braoder prespective. nothing comes easily. you just gotta work for what you want in life. thts all. its all laid in front of you. yes, sometimes it is unfair. :)
So thats how it has been... till the end of the year...an angel came and touched me with its wings, i hang my head down in shame, looking at its perfection. :)
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