I just needed a topic to blog about, and hey hey hey! my good friend Michelle, just gave me one. Well, i read it through my blog. Its about girls.
Ok i am being too general, am I not,
Its about the hormonal fluctuations a girl has and experiences every month.
True at times, when its PMS girls, or more like I tend to get angry, annoyed and picky easily. Its the hormmones ppll!!! well, girls would naturally know it. But most of the rest dont. sadly~
i guess its natural for people to crave for attention during their PMS. But, sadly or annoyingly, i realise i do so....ALL the time.. not to everyone...but just some people and someone, particularly. I hope it doesnt get too annoying. Coz i myself find it annoying. I dunno la. At times, the conversation starts off all proper. Then towards the end, it turns sour. AH, maybe i am just overreacting and thinking too much.
But still...
=.=/ not intending to continue further. i am an attention seeker. sue me. screw me for my over reactive and hyperactive imagination. Do i look like i care??? NOPE. to the rest out there tht cannot understand me or my character. I seriously do not care if you do. It ain't my problem at all. Seriously, it isnt. If you cant get along with me, i don''t care. But atleast i am not being fake or insincere in any way.
tht paragraph above. i donot know who was it mean to. But i just felt like telling it. So far i've had a good life with great friends. So i ain't complaining. I just wished things were very much simpler.
Another thing, Its particularly annoying when mummy asks me to sit down. I mean if you give me some work to do and ask me to sit down quietly and do the work, i can. BUT if you give me NOTHING and ExPECT me NOT TO MOVE... that isnt gonna happen. Seriously, i am a hyperactive child and you know it. So don't expect me to do ridiculous things.
I haven't been able to sontrol my emotions lately. I think its all about staying at home and rotting. That has caused me much disgrace and harm, much more than i expected. mum thinks i am an undisciplined child tht cannot survive in a world full of impossible things. geez.... thanks. you made my mind and day so much positive. i feel like crying and helpless at times. Its that bored. you can go nuts!!! seriously. the only time i enjoy these days are my dance classes. I would probably go insane and be admitted to the Tampoi Hospital if it weren't for my dance.
Ah, i try to give you as much comfort as I can. and thats all i have to offer. I am a brat tht doesnt and cannot sit still. screw me. i don't care.
from a hyperactive child,
Kaveiinaa
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
Friends for life~
I just read someones blog a few days ago on all her friends. and so, i decided to blog about the girls and a few others from Sunway. when i am actually supposed to be doing shasha's homework!
Mimie
she was a quite little tiny tot when i first got to know her. we didnt really talk much in the first sem. But in the second sem we somehow grew closer in ECONS class and boy, she soooooo isnt QUIET!!!! the way she screams, she could wake ur sleeping brains up and jiggle ur heartbeat for a few seconds. :D and so we bonded. somehow. lazily over our econs books, arguing, screaming and mostly i feel comfortable talking to her my personal stuff. she somehow understands and tells me what to do when. like a therapist. :P my personal therapist. we compliment each other- i finish her food up whenever she cant. (dont i always do tht?)anyways, i will be seeing her for the next three years. So i dun have anything to get worried about. hehehe. :D
nesha
i know her since form 1. we never were really close until we came to Sunway. all the while i thought she was quiet and reserved. hahaha. how wrong was I!!!! we got along really well. i always stole her stationaries, we love food and we have nearly the same sense of fashion!!!! yaaay! hahaha. and yes, we got crazy-er during maths class and i would get so annoyed looking at her extra neat handwritting and drawings and filings. zzzz.=.=. so yes, this was the girl that taught me how to clean my table up and file up my papers. :P. i would miss those tiny little fingers. she has the most tiniest little fingers and the smallest feet!!!!!
Esh
oh, my twin! how i love being by her side, coz she is nearly, exactly me, physically and in terms of her character~!! we both love dancing...and we do it anywhere. we sing, although we know ppl hate to hear us singing. :D crazy people we are. hehehe. she gives me a boost of confidence to do basically, anything.... and tht includes manate vanguraning ourselves. as usual. we do it all the time. she can really cheer for someone and knows how to calm people down.:D hmm....we are nearly the same size so sometimes we would exchange slippers. i think if you allow us, we would exchnage whatever we were wearing also. :D we are the *chincai* type.:P
Olive
yaay! my confused kiddo tht makes me laugh all the time. hehehe. I love her the way she is and she definately is my stress reliever coz i get to scream my LUNGS out at her when i get annoyed.:D thanks for undertaking all my screamings olipe oil. :D she can confuse you with ONE sentence. till u have to go... "right olipe". turn to the nearest person and ask the same question back again.:D hehehe. a little fragile she is, but i am sure she will stand up strong for anything she believes. i remember those times where i used to knock my head for asking er a question. or when all the girls simultaneously go "oliiiivvvvveeeee" coz she did/said something. hahaha.
Ain
This girl just loves being herself. and i mean it. ANYTIME, anywhere!!!! be it in the middle of the class or at the courtyard or in the car or even in JUSCO! if she wants to scream, she would. If she wants to run, she would. If she wants to burp righ tonto the teachers face, SHE WOULD!!!! ah, who could ever forget that infamous BURP????? everytime i burp loudly, i think of you! :D thanks for teaching me just to be myself. she was one person whom i remember chasing around the college till was i was breathless!!!!!! one crazy nut, she is.
Kimmie
i would describe her like a piece of cheesecake. creamy on the outside, but mind you, they come in a variety of taste. hehehe. in the morning she would be all smiley one day... the next she would be hyper, the next she would be scarily moody. :D oh well, we got used to all of that, and her hyperness was...extremely HYPER! hehehe. i miss those days where i would jump into her car and be totally useless sitting next to her not even knowing how to operate the radio. sad~ hehe. those days where we ussed to do maths in the school library. i would annoy the HELL out of her and she will not even look at me but just say. *kave, shut up* heehehe. i sed to giggle and shut up. i can say tht i learned to sit still from her. her diligence in her studies taught me to do the same too. when she sets her mind onto something, she would pursue it. no oone can change her.:D unless she is still weighing her conditions.:)
Sheev
at one look, you would think she is the MOST quietest and sweetest girl you ever saw. mind you, LOOKS CAN BE DECEIVING!!!!! hahaha. she slowly opened up with us.... little by little we got to know the not -so-innocent part of her. a fun girl to be with. most definately! kimmie and olive used to argue tht sheev was theirs and the rest would just be laughing out loud. hahaha. how we used to tease her with some guy in college. lol. and oh, i sat next to her during my last semester. :) i think i tortured her enough by asking for testpads. LOL. whenever i brought one, she would go... WOOOWWW you brought...:P hehehe.
oh well, all the girls not forgetting Wan ting and Ming Wei, where the ones that lit up my college life. I love them for who they are and i guess, we just really clicked.
I would miss all the times that we had together. the trashion show times, mandarin oranges times, movie night...exam stress, bubble tea times, those days where we used to wander in Jusco lifelessly. oh, i so miss those times...
I just want to say, you guys have thought me many things. i know we would never get to go through those moments the exact same way that we were. But still memories will last forever. I feel that i might forget the tiny things we did and stop appreciating you guys. ah, the last few days in college were the best times i had. when we used to be so apologetic over EVERYTHING. As long as i have such a thing as a PHONE and INTERNET CONNECTION, i would never fail to remember and keep intouch with you guys.
:D thanks for all the memories and i decided to include my graduation speech too~
A very good evening to the Guest of honour, Ms Gail Taylor, principal, Mrs Hor Poh Choo, deputy principle, lecturers, family members, and my fellow friends. I promised myself not to end up in tears at then end of this speech, and hopefully I keep my word! Someone once told me, "Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off of your goals." Upon entering this course18 months ago, the majority of us had one goal and only one goal in mind, to prepare ourselves to enter the university! Many of us have heard people say that high school is the best time of our lives, so we better enjoy it. With that in mind, we thought that the next 18 months would be a breeze and before we knew it we would be out of here.
We soon got to know the truth a few months later. A levels hasn’t been smooth-sailing, like we thought it would be. There were times in these past few months where some of us broke down and nearly gave up on everything! Through these times, we had our dear lecturers holding us together and propelling us towards our goals. Ms Hong and Ms Meera, your dedication has always reminded us that we could never give up. Mr Kow, your enthusiasm to always complete a question, plus the stories of Nobel prize winners has been an inspiring note for us to succeed. Ms Wong, Mr Ng and Ms Parvathi, your classes have been interesting and left us with lots of of memories to cherish with. . Not forgetting Ms Haw and Ms Janice for the extra help, reminders and warnings.
Never will any of us forget the daily laughter, stress and emotional moments we went through. A perfect example would be Hao Ran’s infamous laughter that would come with a delay of a second and send the whole class cracking up with laughter! Another, would be the way the guys talk so passionately about cars that makes the girls wonder if they really are talking about the cars….or is it something else!
On this day, I would like to represent my class to tell the lecturers how great and wonderful they have been. We are sorry if we have done anything wrong that might have hurt or upset your feelings. We would also like to thank Sunway College for having groomed us to what we are today. Though we were here for a short period of time, each and every moment was enlightenng and educative in many ways. Also thank you to our parents for your unfailing support all the way through this course.
Many days have I sat and wondered how long it will be for our final day. That day is upon me now and I can’t believe how fast it came. I’m glad we have had this time together, before we head into the adult world. I wish all of you good luck in your futures,wherever the future takes you. I hope we can all take advantage of the oppurtunities ahead of us and grab life with both hands!
Nothing lasts forever though you want it to
The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you
A year from now
Maybe there’ll be things
We’ll wish we’d never said
A year from now
Maybe we’ll see each other,standing on the same street corner,
with no regrets.
Each and every end is always written in the stars
If only I could stop the world,
I’d make this last.
Thanks Sunway. Thank you lecturers, thank you parents and I thank you all!
and that was it! i remember cracking up a little during my last sentence of the poem. i love you babies so much.:)
from an ex-student of Sunway JB,
Kaveiinaa..
Mimie
she was a quite little tiny tot when i first got to know her. we didnt really talk much in the first sem. But in the second sem we somehow grew closer in ECONS class and boy, she soooooo isnt QUIET!!!! the way she screams, she could wake ur sleeping brains up and jiggle ur heartbeat for a few seconds. :D and so we bonded. somehow. lazily over our econs books, arguing, screaming and mostly i feel comfortable talking to her my personal stuff. she somehow understands and tells me what to do when. like a therapist. :P my personal therapist. we compliment each other- i finish her food up whenever she cant. (dont i always do tht?)anyways, i will be seeing her for the next three years. So i dun have anything to get worried about. hehehe. :D
nesha
i know her since form 1. we never were really close until we came to Sunway. all the while i thought she was quiet and reserved. hahaha. how wrong was I!!!! we got along really well. i always stole her stationaries, we love food and we have nearly the same sense of fashion!!!! yaaay! hahaha. and yes, we got crazy-er during maths class and i would get so annoyed looking at her extra neat handwritting and drawings and filings. zzzz.=.=. so yes, this was the girl that taught me how to clean my table up and file up my papers. :P. i would miss those tiny little fingers. she has the most tiniest little fingers and the smallest feet!!!!!
Esh
oh, my twin! how i love being by her side, coz she is nearly, exactly me, physically and in terms of her character~!! we both love dancing...and we do it anywhere. we sing, although we know ppl hate to hear us singing. :D crazy people we are. hehehe. she gives me a boost of confidence to do basically, anything.... and tht includes manate vanguraning ourselves. as usual. we do it all the time. she can really cheer for someone and knows how to calm people down.:D hmm....we are nearly the same size so sometimes we would exchange slippers. i think if you allow us, we would exchnage whatever we were wearing also. :D we are the *chincai* type.:P
Olive
yaay! my confused kiddo tht makes me laugh all the time. hehehe. I love her the way she is and she definately is my stress reliever coz i get to scream my LUNGS out at her when i get annoyed.:D thanks for undertaking all my screamings olipe oil. :D she can confuse you with ONE sentence. till u have to go... "right olipe". turn to the nearest person and ask the same question back again.:D hehehe. a little fragile she is, but i am sure she will stand up strong for anything she believes. i remember those times where i used to knock my head for asking er a question. or when all the girls simultaneously go "oliiiivvvvveeeee" coz she did/said something. hahaha.
Ain
This girl just loves being herself. and i mean it. ANYTIME, anywhere!!!! be it in the middle of the class or at the courtyard or in the car or even in JUSCO! if she wants to scream, she would. If she wants to run, she would. If she wants to burp righ tonto the teachers face, SHE WOULD!!!! ah, who could ever forget that infamous BURP????? everytime i burp loudly, i think of you! :D thanks for teaching me just to be myself. she was one person whom i remember chasing around the college till was i was breathless!!!!!! one crazy nut, she is.
Kimmie
i would describe her like a piece of cheesecake. creamy on the outside, but mind you, they come in a variety of taste. hehehe. in the morning she would be all smiley one day... the next she would be hyper, the next she would be scarily moody. :D oh well, we got used to all of that, and her hyperness was...extremely HYPER! hehehe. i miss those days where i would jump into her car and be totally useless sitting next to her not even knowing how to operate the radio. sad~ hehe. those days where we ussed to do maths in the school library. i would annoy the HELL out of her and she will not even look at me but just say. *kave, shut up* heehehe. i sed to giggle and shut up. i can say tht i learned to sit still from her. her diligence in her studies taught me to do the same too. when she sets her mind onto something, she would pursue it. no oone can change her.:D unless she is still weighing her conditions.:)
Sheev
at one look, you would think she is the MOST quietest and sweetest girl you ever saw. mind you, LOOKS CAN BE DECEIVING!!!!! hahaha. she slowly opened up with us.... little by little we got to know the not -so-innocent part of her. a fun girl to be with. most definately! kimmie and olive used to argue tht sheev was theirs and the rest would just be laughing out loud. hahaha. how we used to tease her with some guy in college. lol. and oh, i sat next to her during my last semester. :) i think i tortured her enough by asking for testpads. LOL. whenever i brought one, she would go... WOOOWWW you brought...:P hehehe.
oh well, all the girls not forgetting Wan ting and Ming Wei, where the ones that lit up my college life. I love them for who they are and i guess, we just really clicked.
I would miss all the times that we had together. the trashion show times, mandarin oranges times, movie night...exam stress, bubble tea times, those days where we used to wander in Jusco lifelessly. oh, i so miss those times...
I just want to say, you guys have thought me many things. i know we would never get to go through those moments the exact same way that we were. But still memories will last forever. I feel that i might forget the tiny things we did and stop appreciating you guys. ah, the last few days in college were the best times i had. when we used to be so apologetic over EVERYTHING. As long as i have such a thing as a PHONE and INTERNET CONNECTION, i would never fail to remember and keep intouch with you guys.
:D thanks for all the memories and i decided to include my graduation speech too~
A very good evening to the Guest of honour, Ms Gail Taylor, principal, Mrs Hor Poh Choo, deputy principle, lecturers, family members, and my fellow friends. I promised myself not to end up in tears at then end of this speech, and hopefully I keep my word! Someone once told me, "Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off of your goals." Upon entering this course18 months ago, the majority of us had one goal and only one goal in mind, to prepare ourselves to enter the university! Many of us have heard people say that high school is the best time of our lives, so we better enjoy it. With that in mind, we thought that the next 18 months would be a breeze and before we knew it we would be out of here.
We soon got to know the truth a few months later. A levels hasn’t been smooth-sailing, like we thought it would be. There were times in these past few months where some of us broke down and nearly gave up on everything! Through these times, we had our dear lecturers holding us together and propelling us towards our goals. Ms Hong and Ms Meera, your dedication has always reminded us that we could never give up. Mr Kow, your enthusiasm to always complete a question, plus the stories of Nobel prize winners has been an inspiring note for us to succeed. Ms Wong, Mr Ng and Ms Parvathi, your classes have been interesting and left us with lots of of memories to cherish with. . Not forgetting Ms Haw and Ms Janice for the extra help, reminders and warnings.
Never will any of us forget the daily laughter, stress and emotional moments we went through. A perfect example would be Hao Ran’s infamous laughter that would come with a delay of a second and send the whole class cracking up with laughter! Another, would be the way the guys talk so passionately about cars that makes the girls wonder if they really are talking about the cars….or is it something else!
On this day, I would like to represent my class to tell the lecturers how great and wonderful they have been. We are sorry if we have done anything wrong that might have hurt or upset your feelings. We would also like to thank Sunway College for having groomed us to what we are today. Though we were here for a short period of time, each and every moment was enlightenng and educative in many ways. Also thank you to our parents for your unfailing support all the way through this course.
Many days have I sat and wondered how long it will be for our final day. That day is upon me now and I can’t believe how fast it came. I’m glad we have had this time together, before we head into the adult world. I wish all of you good luck in your futures,wherever the future takes you. I hope we can all take advantage of the oppurtunities ahead of us and grab life with both hands!
Nothing lasts forever though you want it to
The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you
A year from now
Maybe there’ll be things
We’ll wish we’d never said
A year from now
Maybe we’ll see each other,standing on the same street corner,
with no regrets.
Each and every end is always written in the stars
If only I could stop the world,
I’d make this last.
Thanks Sunway. Thank you lecturers, thank you parents and I thank you all!
and that was it! i remember cracking up a little during my last sentence of the poem. i love you babies so much.:)
from an ex-student of Sunway JB,
Kaveiinaa..
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
crap.
as you all knw, i love to crap.
and when i blog, it barely... i mean it BARELY makes sense.
so i decided to crap again.:D
scream "yaaay" ppl......!:P
right....
i am nuts.
well....sitting at home is driving me insane.
i asked mummy to get a job. when everthing looks so blady promising, suddenly the job is gone. and i cant take it! i need to GET OUT! its gonna be hell for the next few months if not. i dun mind being super busy. but not like this.... SUPER Free....
and amma keeps giving me restrictions to read something. not go online too long. not to watch too much tv. BL ABL ABLA.//// i mean like seriously, WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO AT HOME?
grrr....
*sighs* al i do is take it in one ear...and take it out.
i am stupid. i get it.
ah, whatever la.
i dun care d.
malas. tell la whatever you want. yes, you are right. i am having the tell-la-whatever-you-want attitude.
:(
i have a dance show tomorrow. i dont think i make myself a good dancer. its a form of art i lost a very long time ago. still, i love doing it although i am not perfect.
i will not lost touch with it. i just need my stamina and THE REST back.
amma had actually promised to do my arrangetram if i get a scholaarship. Now that i think of it, i at times feel like doing it. and at times not.
i feel like doing it coz i think it would mould me, in the sense the torturous practices would mould me to become someone better, with more stamina and open my future in dance when it comes to dancing with master. I dont think im being selfish or jealous by saying this, but i realise that those who do their arangetrams or are planning to do, unless they are extremely good are the ones tht get to dance for the mega shows.
and i want to do so too. just because i missed my first chance of performing an out of johor show doesnt mean tht my chances of performing outstation again are closed right.
hmm....i know. i aint tht good for that shows.
For reasons tht i dont want to do my arangetram is that i feel it is an opening to everything. i mean, i want it to be a blast! but i dun think i have reached such a stage yet. i have yet to learn more and broaden my horizons. i dun wnat it to be the end, but my beginning to this form of art.
Such is my fate, the promise isnt fulfilled. i dont think it will ever be. maybe it isnt my thing and i should lay it to rest.
:)
i think i came here to blog about something and i am blogging about somethign else. :D
its okie. it happens. my brains are screwed. the weather is so hot here!
good night ppl,
from,
cookie kave.:D
and when i blog, it barely... i mean it BARELY makes sense.
so i decided to crap again.:D
scream "yaaay" ppl......!:P
right....
i am nuts.
well....sitting at home is driving me insane.
i asked mummy to get a job. when everthing looks so blady promising, suddenly the job is gone. and i cant take it! i need to GET OUT! its gonna be hell for the next few months if not. i dun mind being super busy. but not like this.... SUPER Free....
and amma keeps giving me restrictions to read something. not go online too long. not to watch too much tv. BL ABL ABLA.//// i mean like seriously, WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO AT HOME?
grrr....
*sighs* al i do is take it in one ear...and take it out.
i am stupid. i get it.
ah, whatever la.
i dun care d.
malas. tell la whatever you want. yes, you are right. i am having the tell-la-whatever-you-want attitude.
:(
i have a dance show tomorrow. i dont think i make myself a good dancer. its a form of art i lost a very long time ago. still, i love doing it although i am not perfect.
i will not lost touch with it. i just need my stamina and THE REST back.
amma had actually promised to do my arrangetram if i get a scholaarship. Now that i think of it, i at times feel like doing it. and at times not.
i feel like doing it coz i think it would mould me, in the sense the torturous practices would mould me to become someone better, with more stamina and open my future in dance when it comes to dancing with master. I dont think im being selfish or jealous by saying this, but i realise that those who do their arangetrams or are planning to do, unless they are extremely good are the ones tht get to dance for the mega shows.
and i want to do so too. just because i missed my first chance of performing an out of johor show doesnt mean tht my chances of performing outstation again are closed right.
hmm....i know. i aint tht good for that shows.
For reasons tht i dont want to do my arangetram is that i feel it is an opening to everything. i mean, i want it to be a blast! but i dun think i have reached such a stage yet. i have yet to learn more and broaden my horizons. i dun wnat it to be the end, but my beginning to this form of art.
Such is my fate, the promise isnt fulfilled. i dont think it will ever be. maybe it isnt my thing and i should lay it to rest.
:)
i think i came here to blog about something and i am blogging about somethign else. :D
its okie. it happens. my brains are screwed. the weather is so hot here!
good night ppl,
from,
cookie kave.:D
Monday, March 1, 2010
blub blub blub~
i finally met the girls last saturday.. all were looking so gorgeous. we celebrated olives bday!! hehehe like kiddos. nesha is flying off soon.:( really sad. ain came bck! * i was like jumping over her* it was simply, purely, heavenly fun!!! only thing, i missed sheev.
lalala~
so happy my new slacks fit me perfectly.:D
hahaha.... well thats about what i wanted to blog.
But i am missing my drug,
where are you?...:(
hmm.....another thought came up. have you ever in your life felt like the person you know/ talk to is being so bloody insincere. so evil no matter how much ppl have done for them? so cruel, selfisha nd jealous over tiny matters that dont even mean much. well ive lost my respect for whoever tht person is a VERY LONG time ago.
i dunno. But i dont think many would care if i do or not, either way. After all, i am just-a-tiny-little-girl-that-acts-like-a-grandma. i hate it. i have my rihts to speak.and when i do..ppl say things like you are too young to speak such. but isnt everyone doing the same "such" too? Its annoying...the age gap has brought differences in your right to speak? i guess it runs as a tradition or respect. *sighs* i still dont know how to shut my blady mouth. i have no judgement of wht to say to anyone. I tell people all that comes to my mind. is tht wrong? in this world, YESS!!! *sighs*
~my potent drug still hasnt come~
ah, whts the use of praying all day 24/7 when your heat is filled with hatred. i dun understand such ppl!!
ok..i need my DRUGG!!!....
till then,
from an addictive mind,
kaveiinaa
lalala~
so happy my new slacks fit me perfectly.:D
hahaha.... well thats about what i wanted to blog.
But i am missing my drug,
where are you?...:(
hmm.....another thought came up. have you ever in your life felt like the person you know/ talk to is being so bloody insincere. so evil no matter how much ppl have done for them? so cruel, selfisha nd jealous over tiny matters that dont even mean much. well ive lost my respect for whoever tht person is a VERY LONG time ago.
i dunno. But i dont think many would care if i do or not, either way. After all, i am just-a-tiny-little-girl-that-acts-like-a-grandma. i hate it. i have my rihts to speak.and when i do..ppl say things like you are too young to speak such. but isnt everyone doing the same "such" too? Its annoying...the age gap has brought differences in your right to speak? i guess it runs as a tradition or respect. *sighs* i still dont know how to shut my blady mouth. i have no judgement of wht to say to anyone. I tell people all that comes to my mind. is tht wrong? in this world, YESS!!! *sighs*
~my potent drug still hasnt come~
ah, whts the use of praying all day 24/7 when your heat is filled with hatred. i dun understand such ppl!!
ok..i need my DRUGG!!!....
till then,
from an addictive mind,
kaveiinaa
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Pathetic
It feels utterly pathetic when you look at the time waiting for it to move minute by minute! ugh!
i havent told amma about tmr night- going out wt my aunty and all
i seriously freaking DO NOT remember a single step of my dance. * screwed*
i hope i can make it out with the girls on thursday.
i hope my aunt can return to me asap. coz im going KUKU!!
lastly,....
i hope someone can be back to normal. :)
ah, isit wrong to only wish good for someone? i dont find myself perfect in anyway. then whats the flaw of being flawless??
ok. that was a little too much...i know. flawless is too much. :D i am not perfect. i try to live up to the expectations set on me. If i fail, then im sorry.
but, i still dont see it, whats the problem then. maybe i just dont know the problem yet.
ah,
If only you knew,
Ive done mistakes,
too ashamed to be told.
i havent told amma about tmr night- going out wt my aunty and all
i seriously freaking DO NOT remember a single step of my dance. * screwed*
i hope i can make it out with the girls on thursday.
i hope my aunt can return to me asap. coz im going KUKU!!
lastly,....
i hope someone can be back to normal. :)
ah, isit wrong to only wish good for someone? i dont find myself perfect in anyway. then whats the flaw of being flawless??
ok. that was a little too much...i know. flawless is too much. :D i am not perfect. i try to live up to the expectations set on me. If i fail, then im sorry.
but, i still dont see it, whats the problem then. maybe i just dont know the problem yet.
ah,
If only you knew,
Ive done mistakes,
too ashamed to be told.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Bored~
I am so freaking bored. I can feel my brains just frozen and not working even on simple matters.:D
Anyways, I hope my aunt returns my calls soon so tht i can know if i can work or not!!!
But again, i want to hang out with the girls on thursday! *sighs*
when you have nothing much to think, you mess your head up with nonsensical stuff.:)
I just hope all goes on well...
You know at times, when you feel so inferior of someone. you just dont have the confidence to approach and talk. you feel your life lagging behind you...
ok, this might sound like its a love story or something...ITS NOT!!!
hahaha....its when you have a mummy that says things which are not actually what you feel! grrr. annoying. i know you can read my mind. Some times. but not all the time. and when you are WRONG, just admit it! parents dont do it. :). i know. what ever it is.. i still love her a lot!! :D :D :D. Its weird, ain't it??
I am not exactly the type of person tht is close/ more like clings on to my mother or father, for a fact. NO, i am not the type that tells them what goes on in my life every second. i tell them....the important stuff that they need to know. And thts about it. ~full stop~. and i very much prefer it that way. Some may argue that your parents brought you up...so they deserve to know whats happening everysecond of your life and all. But in fact, dont you think that parents are the ones that nurtured you and so they know what values they have instilled in you, and soon, gain trust of your actions?
In a way, i would say that im just being scared that in case my parents criticise my judgement or my actions, i dont want to argue with them or reason out that decisions that i make have some sense in it. May be...may be thats what has been running through my mind. But yes. I am not a goody two shoes that does it all right. I do things wrongly. So let me fall...and wake up by myself. I am so used to doing it. I learn more from situations as such>:D
lastly....i'm hungry. :D i better have lunch!
from a hungry stomach of,
Kaveiinaa
~peace~ :P
Anyways, I hope my aunt returns my calls soon so tht i can know if i can work or not!!!
But again, i want to hang out with the girls on thursday! *sighs*
when you have nothing much to think, you mess your head up with nonsensical stuff.:)
I just hope all goes on well...
You know at times, when you feel so inferior of someone. you just dont have the confidence to approach and talk. you feel your life lagging behind you...
ok, this might sound like its a love story or something...ITS NOT!!!
hahaha....its when you have a mummy that says things which are not actually what you feel! grrr. annoying. i know you can read my mind. Some times. but not all the time. and when you are WRONG, just admit it! parents dont do it. :). i know. what ever it is.. i still love her a lot!! :D :D :D. Its weird, ain't it??
I am not exactly the type of person tht is close/ more like clings on to my mother or father, for a fact. NO, i am not the type that tells them what goes on in my life every second. i tell them....the important stuff that they need to know. And thts about it. ~full stop~. and i very much prefer it that way. Some may argue that your parents brought you up...so they deserve to know whats happening everysecond of your life and all. But in fact, dont you think that parents are the ones that nurtured you and so they know what values they have instilled in you, and soon, gain trust of your actions?
In a way, i would say that im just being scared that in case my parents criticise my judgement or my actions, i dont want to argue with them or reason out that decisions that i make have some sense in it. May be...may be thats what has been running through my mind. But yes. I am not a goody two shoes that does it all right. I do things wrongly. So let me fall...and wake up by myself. I am so used to doing it. I learn more from situations as such>:D
lastly....i'm hungry. :D i better have lunch!
from a hungry stomach of,
Kaveiinaa
~peace~ :P
Friday, February 5, 2010
Some poems that i love to read.
Ever heard of Radha Krishna, Or the story of the bakhti-filled mirabai??
well, here are some stuffs i copied from a website. :D
Devotion for Lord Krishna is equated with a huge range of emotions and states of mind - from eroticism and sensuality to renunciation and surrender. Complete immersion of one's soul in Krishna's soul, is regarded as the path to unadulterated devotion for Krishna. Radha and Mirabai are seen as the twin zeniths of devotion for Lord Krishna. Opposites in some sense and yet so much one in their love for the lord, the devotion of Mirabai and Radha for Krishna show the oneness of eroticism and renunciation, and finally, the convergence of both into the omnipresent soul of Krishna in the form of single-minded love and devotion.
Mirabai
Guide this little boat over the waters,
What can I give you for fare?Our mutable world holds nothing but grief,
bear me away from it.Eight bonds of karmahave gripped me,
the whole of creationswirls through eight million wombs,
through eight million birth-forms we flicker.
Mira cries. Dark One
take this little boat to the far shore,
put an end to coming and going.
The Dark One's love-stain is on her,
other ornaments Mira sees as mere glitter.
A mark on her forehead
,a bracelet, some prayer beads,
beyond that she wears only her conduct.
Make-up is worthless
when you've gotten truth from a teacher.
the Dark One has stained me with love,
and for that some revile me,others give honor
I simply wander the road of the sadhus
lost in my songs.
It is through love that she communes with God. "Mira's Lord is none other than Giridhara." (Giridhara being Krishna) - these are usually the ending words of Meera's poems which are predominantly an expression of her oneness with Krishna. Mira's love for Krishna is all-encompassing. The lord of her heart and soul, she used to weep for him and spend sleepless nights for a sight of him. Mirabai says she had "sold" herself - surrendered herself - completely to him. She says "I am colored with the color of dusk", dusk implying the color of Krishna. As if her love for Krishna permeated every pore of her body, just like dye permeates a garment.
This aspect of union through surrender is predominant in Mira's poetry.
For Mirabai, her freedom lay in her union with her lord. She sings:
"Love in which there is laughter and sobbing, Moaning, throbbing and clasping in tight embrace, That alone is liberation for me, I care for no other."
For Mirabai, her freedom lay in her union with her lord. She sings:
"Love in which there is laughter and sobbing, Moaning, throbbing and clasping in tight embrace, That alone is liberation for me, I care for no other."
Mirabai's background.
This great saint of Hinduism and one the greatest devotees of Krishna, Mirabai was born into the royal family of Rana Ratan Singh of Merta in Rajasthan in 1498 A.D. As a three-year old child she grew extremely fond of a statue of Lord Krishna. So much so that her mother had once jokingly remarked that Krishna would one day be the girl's (Mirabai's) groom. This remark made an indelible mark on the impressionable mind of the young child.
She nurtured the notion of Krishna being her sole lord, her lover, friend and husband as she matured into a woman. She agreed to her marriage to Rana Kumbha of Mewar in Rajasthan, against her heart's wishes, to honor her grandfather's promise to Rana Kumbha. In spite of her marriage, her heart still belonged to Lord Krishna and she spent a great deal of time in the Krishna temple at her husband's palace, albeit after fulfilling her household duties. Conspiracies were unfortunately hatched against her by several around her, to defame her, and eventually to kill her, but all of those could not deter her from her chosen path of devotion. Her husband however is seen to have been a sympathizer of Mirabai, till her death in 1546 A.D. According to other versions, though, it is believed that her husband died within ten years of their marriage.
She nurtured the notion of Krishna being her sole lord, her lover, friend and husband as she matured into a woman. She agreed to her marriage to Rana Kumbha of Mewar in Rajasthan, against her heart's wishes, to honor her grandfather's promise to Rana Kumbha. In spite of her marriage, her heart still belonged to Lord Krishna and she spent a great deal of time in the Krishna temple at her husband's palace, albeit after fulfilling her household duties. Conspiracies were unfortunately hatched against her by several around her, to defame her, and eventually to kill her, but all of those could not deter her from her chosen path of devotion. Her husband however is seen to have been a sympathizer of Mirabai, till her death in 1546 A.D. According to other versions, though, it is believed that her husband died within ten years of their marriage.
Such great was her devotion that it is believed that she merged with the lord in his temple at Dwarka in Gujarat. According to one version, she is believed to have entered the sanctum of the temple in a state of singing ecstacy. The sanctum doors are believed to have closed on their own and when later opened, the sari (garment) of Mirabai was seen enwrapped around the idol of lord Krishna.
At sunset, on the river bank, Krishna loved her for the last time and left...
That night in her husband's arms, Radha felt so dead that he asked, "What is wrong,
Do you mind my kisses, love?"
And she said, No, not at all, but thought,
What is It to the corpse if the maggots nip?
--Kamala Das, in "The Maggots"from "The Descendants"---
--Kamala Das, in "The Maggots"from "The Descendants"---
Punish me, lovely fool!
Bite me with your cruel teeth!
Chain me with your creeper arms!
Crush me with your hard breasts!
Angry goddess, don't weaken with joy!
Let Love's despised arrows Pierce me to sap my life's power!
-- Poet Jaidev in the Geet Govindam,portraying the words of Krishna for Radha ---
-- Poet Jaidev in the Geet Govindam,portraying the words of Krishna for Radha ---
Love in all its forms finds its epitome in the "dual-unity" of Lord Krishna and his beloved, Radha. Krishna is seen as the universal symbol of the lover and the ideal hero (nayak) while Radha as the universal symbol of the beloved and the ideal heroine (nayika). As lovers, their divine love-play encompassed a whole range of variations. It is as if all lovers in the universe can find some part of themselves reflected in the love of Radha and Krishna.
Such is the charisma of the love-lore of Radha and Krishna, such is its vastness spread over a million emotions, and such is its brilliance, that the name of their love and them as lovers has become a sanctifying force for all contact between the sexes, sometimes also a cover for human prurience.
Radha's background.
The daughter of a cowherd-leader, Vrishabhanu and his wife, Kamalavati, Radha was born in Barshana, a village near Vrindavan, which was the childhood home of Krishna. She was married off to a man known by the name of Ayan. She however, could never love her husband because her heart belonged to Krishna. The nature of her illicit and adulterous affair with Krishna though might seem to be for her own-selfish interests, in her union with Krishna, against the norms of family, society, and even religion, she gives an example of how to give everything up for God. For it was God who also loved Radha - her selfishness actually being selflessness, the real truth behind the Raas Leela - the love play of Radha and Krishna.
Krishna, even as a child, used to be a favorite of womenfolk of Vrindaban, his childhood home. As he grew up, his aggressive and yet attractive behavior with the strong but transparent sexual overtones were secretly approved of by females. As a lover, he turned out to be an ideal for each woman who experienced his love. During his love sessions with the Gopis (female companions of Krishna) he was careful and dexterous enough to create a divine illusion of being individually available to each of the Gopis. He was a perfect partner in lovemaking - both untiring and accomplished. But his mastery over love was capped by his treating women as partners in love rather than sex objects, by his experiencing the same suffering of separation and longing as was experienced by his lovers.
It was this heroic lover - a perfect lover for many - whose heart was captured by Radha. Radha - who turned out to be the special companion for Krishna - for whom Krishna longed - but not only for her body and mind but also her soul - wherein lies the divinity of Radha's love for Krishna.
Radha had, on the orders of Nanda, Krishna's foster father and leader of the cowherds, escorted Krishna through the forest each evening. However, on the way in a grove, Krishna and Radha played out their secret passion. Krishna, however is unfaithful to Radha as he indulges in his romances with several other Gopis, while Radha's thoughts rest solely on Krishna. Radha is jealous as she imagines the "vines of his great throbbing arms circle a thousand gopis". More importantly, she experiences, the turmoil in emotions of a proud, passionate woman who feels deserted by her lover. She yearns for Krishna and this draws Krishna's thoughts to Radha's.
Krishna's heart, which had always reached out to many Gopis, pleasuring all and loving all, felt a unique tug towards this unique woman - Radha. Radha became the focus of Krishna's heart's desires - an irreplaceable lover whose power of pulling Krishna to herself, could not be any longer ignored by Krishna. Radha made Krishna repent for his straying ways and when Krishna could finally take no more, she relented.
As Jaidev writes so beautifully in the Geet Govindam about this sequence:
"Paint a leaf on my breasts!
Put colour on my cheeks!
Lay a girdle on my hips!
Twine my heavy braid with flowers!
Fix rows of bangles on my hands, And jewelled anklets on my feet!"
Her yellow-robed lover Did what Radha said.
Conclusion
Lord Krishna's mystique has created an aura around him in Hindu Mythology. The equation that the feminine gender shares with him is unique in the Hindu religion. In spite of being Narayana himself (one of the trinity of supreme Gods in Hindu religion) his personality is that which humans can identify with. He is a God and yet loves passionately and indulges in love-relationships which do not conform to the conventional societal and religious standards that "good" beings are believed to work within. He is all-powerful yet surrenders to his greatest lovers. He is the highest deity and yet he worships all those whose devotion for Krishna envelopes their very soul.
It is this Lord Krishna, to whom so many have dedicated their souls to. Devotion and love for Lord Krishna has been the sole purpose of their existence. But for a few of those, their existence itself had become synonymous with love for Krishna. Their love for Krishna shone in brilliance which was as brilliant as the aura of Krishna himself. Radha and Meerabai were two such devotees, whose love for Krishna reached a pinnacle of devotion, where their identities merged into Krishna's. And in spite of the same love for the same lord, Meerabai differed from Radha in soul and mind.
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